Photo: Serhii Smirnov / Shutterstock
You need trust to make it work.
By Clayton Olson — Written on Aug 11, 2022
Trust is a relationship’s oxygen — a union can not survive without it. But learning how to trust (or how to trust again after your world has been shattered) is often easier said than done.
And sometimes this education starts with attracting the right sort of man.
So, what does trustworthiness look like? What kind of man is truly trustworthy?
It often feels like a hit or miss with many women blindsided when the man they love (or are even married to) does something to destroy the foundation upon which their partnership and relationship was built.
But, hit or miss aside, there are certain things you can do within yourself to attract men who are trustworthy and deserving of you.
Healthy relationships start with learning how to rebuild trust in yourself, which parlays into being able to put your trust in men. After that, you can put your trust in life.
Let’s break this down: What is the number one sign that you’re not able to do the above?
You’re in a relationship where you act like someone other than you — you find "love" but lose yourself.
You don’t trust yourself enough to believe that you are enough. You’re not voicing your needs or your desires or your values. Instead, you want to be a chameleon, able to transform in a way to please those around you.
The woman who does this may think they’re making themselves more likable by becoming the person they think the man wants. But, they’re actually conveying a message that they are not trustworthy.
Why? Because they’re incongruent and inauthentic and others, including men, pick up on that.
If you’re unwilling to be vulnerable, if you’re lying to yourself, if you’re pretending to be someone other than you are, you’re waving a red flag. And it says, "Trust at your own risk."
Until you are able to genuinely ask for what you need in a relationship, you’re not trusting yourself. So, move towards that. Begin to notice where you’re abandoning yourself and your life’s desires and move in that direction.
The irony of this is that many women do abandon themselves in relationships because of some kind of hidden insecurity — they feel as though they should be someone better, a person their partner will like more and be attracted to on a much deeper level.
They fear if they don’t pretend, they will lose their partner. But, in reality, it’s the pretending that causes the partner to leave because, again, the partner isn’t able to trust someone unable to trust themselves.
When a woman is willing to discover where she abandoned herself, she’s better able to move away from victimhood and take control of a situation and herself.
She seizes responsibility and begins to understand how she may be contributing to the overall dynamic. And that empowers her to change that dynamic.
If you start seeing yourself as a creator in some of these tragedies that may happen, you begin to be the one that changes them and shifts them in your own life. You begin to do something different and then you enjoy different outcomes.
Successful and healthy relationships are often about taking ownership and being the steward in your own life. If the two people involved are passive and intent on blaming each other for what’s going wrong, they’re never getting anywhere.
It’s like running around in circles, playing the same old game, and expecting a different resolution each time (though a different one never appears).
Ownership, empowerment, and personal responsibility allow you to trust yourself first and foremost. And that takes you from a passive role and places you in an active role.
Bad things will no longer happen to you. Rather, good things happen because of you.
More for You:
Clayton Olson is an International Relationship Coach, Master NLP Practitioner, and Facilitator. He is the author of the 8 Secrets To Create A Rock Solid Relationship.