12 New Year's Resolutions For Divorced Moms

african american mother and child smiling
Love, Family

2013 is all about YOU!

Are you divorced? The new year is a perfect opportunity to start fresh. Here's how:

1. Take control of your life. Don't your ex to push your buttons. Every time you react the way your ex wants you to, you are allowing him to control you. Learn to stay calm and be in be in command of of what you say and how you act. It really is possible to stop letting your ex push your buttons.

2. Trust your own judgment. Listen to your own inner voice. It is there to guide you in the right direction. As women, we have often spent so much time focusing on other people's wants and needs that we have lost sight of who we are and have lost the ability to trust in ourselves.

3. Choose to be happy. Look for the abundance of opportunities around you. Happiness really is a choice. Albeit you might need to make that choice a thousand times in a day, it is a choice. Change thoughts of disparity to thoughts that make you happy, such as your smiling child or your rambunctious pet.

4. Listen to your children and to focus on their desires. Listen to every word your child speaks to you. Be 100 percent present and acknowledge he or she is important. Your child will feel more loved, accepted and at peace. He will feel secure in the knowledge that you will take care of all of his needs. Learn parenting tips for divorced women.

5. Communicate more effectively with your child(ren)'s father. Put your child's needs and well-being above the hurt and anger you feel towards your ex. Your child has the right to love and to be loved by both of her parents. Continually ask yourself, "Do I love my child more than I hate my ex?"

6. Focus on happy memories.  Focus on happy memories of your past and learn from the unhappy ones. Figure out what lessons you can learn about yourself from the broken relationship. Learn from them and then put the unhappy memories behind you. When you focus on the past, you are reliving all of the painful memories. 

7. Dress nicely and to wear sexy nighties. Who cares if there is no one there to notice — it will make you feel like a wonderful, gorgeous and sexy woman! A confident woman is sexy in her own right. Be confident that you are beautiful and desirable.

8. Do something for yourself at least once a month. Ideas include taking yourself to a movie, out to dinner or pampering yourself with a new hairdo, a mani-pedi or a massage. Other ideas include curling up with a good book or soaking in a long hot bubble bath.

9. Go on one date a month. Think of your dates as a way to meet new friends and to experience life. A date does not necessarily have to be with a man as you may be not be ready to begin dating after divorce. Dates also include a girls night out, a special outing with your child or a play date with your child's friend and parent.

10. Stop complaining about your ex. Complaining keeps all the hurts and anger alive and well . It does nothing to help you heal and to move on with your life.  Complaining about your ex to everyone you meet establishes you as a victim. Stop playing the victim!

11. Pick your battles with your ex. You may have an inner desire to be right or to prove your ex wrong. Ask yourself if you are fighting due to your own insecurities and fears. If the answer is yes, it is best to throw them out as battles you fight to feed your ego are rarely won.

12. Let go and forgive. This seems like one of the hardest things to do. Unforgiveness keeps you locked in your own personal prison of hell. It does nothing to the person that wronged you. Forgiving others (as well as yourself) is one of the most loving and kind things you can do for yourself.

For more information on healing during and after divorce visit www.SupportForDivorcedWomen.com.

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