How To Stop Feeling So Angry All The Time — And Start Manifesting Love Instead

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Why Am I So Angry? How To Deal With Anger & Resentment In Relationships
Love, Self

When you’re in an intimate relationship, it’s so tempting to give your partner credit — or blame — for how you feel.

After all, if only they would behave differently, you’d feel a lot better, right?

And when they don’t behave as you think they should, it’s natural to have feelings of anger or resentment.

Why am I so angry all the time?

If left unaddressed, resentment will slowly overshadow all of the positive aspects of your relationship, so if you want to deal with anger and learn how to manifest love and peace instead, it’s really worth understanding what resentment is, why it comes up, and what to do about it.

RELATED: 5 Common Causes Of Resentment In Relationships You've Probably Never Thought Of Before

The old-school way of dealing with negative emotions is as outdated as the notion that the world is flat.

Let’s explore what triggers anger, how to handle it once you’re feeling it, and how to immunize yourself against it,

First, know that you can’t talk your way to a higher vibration.

When you and your partner are having a disagreement, the best thing to do is “talk it out,” right? Wrong!

Venting your concerns, explaining your position and making requests of your partners to change only compounds most relationship problems.

It may sound logical, but if this approach worked, couples counseling would save marriages far more often than it does.

The fact is, you cannot talk your way out of feeling angry in love, because at the basis of how you relate to everyone, and most especially to your partner, is your vibration about them.

The vibration you hold about your partner changes day by day, even moment by moment, and is affected by many things.

Your vibration includes the desires you hold about the relationship, as well as your thoughts, conclusions and expectations about it.

Until you effect a change at the level of your vibration, all attempts to find harmony will only be cosmetic. You may see improvement for short periods of time, but because you're not addressing the real problem, they will not make for lasting positive change.

The following three steps will help you to shift your vibration about your partner, minimize resentment and angry outbursts, and bring you present to one another’s most positive attributes.

Here's how to deal with anger, let go of resentment and manifest love in your relationship instead.

1. Acknowledge what you do not want

We make up all kinds of reasons and justifications for our feelings, but negative emotions like anger arise for one reason only: we want something different than what is currently playing out in our life experience. That’s it!

Look at anger as the powerful messenger that it is. Anger arises to let you know you want something different or you deserve better. It’s on your side; it’s trying to lead you to greater happiness.

Every time you know what you don’t want, you have greater clarity about what you do want instead.

So, when you feel that first twinge of anger, pause for a moment and breathe into it. Acknowledge what you don’t want.

You might uncover statements such as, “I don’t want to be disrespected,” “I don’t want to feel suspicious,” or “I don’t want to be unimportant.”

And then, as quickly as you are able, turn your attention to the flip side of that coin. What is it that you do want?

Identify those emotions with as much clarity as you can. This is what you’re shooting for, and once you make that emotional shift, the anger will dissolve on its own.

RELATED: Why Women's Anger Is So Terrifying — To Everyone

2. Release fight or flight chemicals from your system

Negative emotional reactions create very real changes in our physical bodies. Our pulse elevates, our blood pressure rises, and our breathing becomes shallow, just to name a few.

Basically, in the presence of an unwanted situation, we’re preparing to fight or to flee. It’s important to allow your body to move through this state of stress.

For some people, rigorous physical exercise provides them this release. For others, screaming into a pillow or playing loud, angry music in their car helps to move the energy. You can even write your list of all the things you don’t want on a piece of paper, then crumble and burn it.

The activity is not the main event. The emotional and energetic release is. If you can’t go off to be by yourself at the moment, taking a brisk walk or some deep, audible breaths can do the trick.

Repressing negative emotions does not make them go away. Rather, they fester under the surface and can do even more harm later.

RELATED: Your Repressed Emotions May Be Ruining Your Relationship (Here’s What To Do About It)

3. Shift your focus to what you do want

When anger or resentment is present, it’s tempting to become hyper-focused on everything that’s wrong. We think the solution for fixing what’s not working is to make an exhaustive list of our complaints. But pointing out problems only amplifies those problems. The Law of Attraction brings us more of whatever we’re focused on.

So, once you’ve released the stress hormones from your body, turn your attention back to what you do want.

Focus on how you want to feel, rather than on a specific outer change you wish to see.

Although it may not always seem like it, you are in complete control of how you feel. And there is always a better feeling thought available to you if you’re open to receive it.

Make a list of your partner’s most positive aspects, and of all that you appreciate about your connection. Then do the same for yourself.

Appreciation is not only the antidote to anger and resentment; it provides immunity against future episodes.

Think of your relationship like a bank account. If there’s a sufficient reserve of appreciation and good will between you, the occasional pang of anger or annoyance won’t overdraw your account. And when your relationship is overflowing with appreciation, minor annoyances won’t even land on your radar at all.

Remember that you are not responsible for your partner’s behavior, moods, or perceptions. You are only responsible for your own.

You can set the vibrational tone of your relationship by deciding in advance how you want to feel and who you want to be.

RELATED: I Deeply Resented My 'Unromantic' Husband — Until This A-Ha Moment

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Christy Whitman is a transformational leader, celebrity coach, and the New York Times bestselling author of "The Art of Having It All: A Woman’s Guide to Unlimited Abundance." For more insights like these on how to create joyous, fulfilling relationships, listen in on her Conscious, Connected Coupling Podcast.

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