How To Stop Being Jealous Of Others — And Be Happy For Them, Instead
Freeing ourselves of unwarranted feelings of jealousy is always an inside job. But where to start?
tomertu, stockfour | Canva Jealousy rears its head anytime we perceive a threat to something we desire or hold dear and keeps us from finding happiness.
Sometimes, being jealous is warranted. It sounds off like a warning bell, alerting us that a boundary is being — or is about to be — crossed.
Most of the time, however, our feelings of jealousy are unwarranted — even irrational. They occur not to warn us of an actual threat but to make us aware of the distortion in our perception.
Freeing ourselves of unwarranted feelings of jealousy is always an inside job. It has nothing to do with confronting, changing, or withdrawing from the circumstances that provoked it.
The key to dealing with jealousy involves using those feelings to discover what is calling you to heal and lead you to a happy life and healthy relationships.
Here's how to stop being jealous of people whou believe are doing better than you
1. Shift out of the mindset of lack
The first important thing to understand about jealousy is that it can only exist when we are in a consciousness of lack. We perceive that there's not enough of something we want or that something we love will be taken away.
This perception may be a result of an old betrayal or emotional wound. It could arise from a limiting belief or insecurity we hold as the truth about ourselves, or our perception of lack could stem from our interpretation of another person’s behavior.
In other words, what we are making their behavior mean about us.
The first step to releasing jealousy is to shift our mindset from one of lack to one of abundance and appreciation.
You need to acknowledge that the feeling of jealousy always means one important thing: You care deeply about this person or situation.
Whatever you’re feeling jealous about really matters to you. If you didn’t value it, you wouldn’t fear losing it. And, if it isn't something you wanted, you wouldn't feel the pang of not having it.
Great news! There are many positive aspects you could choose to focus on. And by focusing on the positive aspects of whatever has evoked your jealousy, you move from fear to appreciation. The energy of fear constricts and, therefore, erodes relationships.
The energy of appreciation encourages every positive aspect of it to thrive, expand, and become more.
Think about the aspects of this relationship that are working well and that you’d like to maintain and expand. Make a list of all you appreciate from the past and all you look forward to experiencing in the future.
By exercising control over your focus, you begin to recover your power.
2. Take a step back from the story in your mind
The perspective we hold at any moment informs the content of our internal dialog. A mindset of jealousy or scarcity will generate thoughts that reflect this, such as "This won’t last" or "All of the good ones are taken."
Negative emotional states perpetuate negative self-talk and vice versa.
We must recognize that thoughts like these are not statements of truth — they’re only stories we’re telling ourselves. But, like self-fulfilling prophecies, these stories may play out if we feed them with attention.
When jealousy comes over you, be aware that these feelings will likely inspire a story. These are not necessarily the truth, but they are consistent with the low vibration of jealousy.
Avoid indulging in low-level thinking. It will only perpetuate low-level emotions. Instead, distract yourself with images that bring you a feeling of relief.
3. Fill yourself up from within
When jealousy overtakes us, we are tempted to look to another person for love, validation, and soothing.
If only our partners were more attentive and affectionate, we’d feel secure.
If only our boss appreciated our efforts, we wouldn’t feel threatened by our colleague’s success.
But seeking even the slightest control over another person’s behavior is a trap. And even if we succeed in extracting more of what we think we need, it doesn’t sustain us for long.
When we view other people as the cause of our happiness or unhappiness, we become dependent on those people. And, just like any other addiction, we crave more and more of their attention over time.
No one enjoys feeling responsible for the emotional sustenance of another person. At the core of every human being is a passionate desire for freedom. And the most basic freedom is the freedom to direct our attention.
The more attention we seek, the more the other person will naturally and instinctively pull away.
So what’s the solution? Make the powerful choice to fill yourself up from the inside. Decide not to seek validation, attention, or reassurance from others. Instead, give these things to yourself.
Here's how to get over jealousy.
1. Bring to mind the particular person or situation that is evoking jealousy within you.
Allow yourself to fully experience the feelings associated with jealousy and identify the most painful feelings.
For example, "I feel insecure. I’m afraid of loss. I’m afraid of change. I’m afraid this is slipping away."
Then, take a few deep breaths and let that go.
2. Imagine the other person in this situation giving you everything you believe you need to feel better.
Imagine them saying the words you’re longing to hear. See them performing the actions you’ve been wanting them to take. Now, allow yourself to notice how you believe you would feel.
Would you feel secure? Safe? Reassured? Cherished? Loved?
Try to identify the most significant emotion. How would you most like to feel about this situation?
3. Imagine a waterfall of beautiful light energy flowing down on you and through you.
This beautiful energy is alive and sparkling with the feeling state you most want and need.
Let this soak into every pore and fill in every space. Breathe it into your heart. Invite this energy to inspire your thoughts, soothe your mood, and surround you.
4. Allow yourself to identify one action you can take to anchor this energy within you.
It could be something simple like soaking in a hot bath. It could be planning a night out with an old friend or treating yourself to a movie night at home. Choose something that will bring about the feeling you’re reaching for.
If you're seeing signs of jealousy in your relationship — romantic or otherwise — it's time to ensure it doesn't block happiness from your life.
As you take this self-loving, self-filling action to deal with jealousy and learn how to be happy, acknowledge you are the source of your well-being.
Feel yourself filling up with your love and regard. By filling yourself up from the inside out, you strengthen your immunity to jealousy.
Christy Whitman is an energy healer, transformational leader, celebrity coach, and New York Times bestselling author of 'The Art of Having It All: A Woman’s Guide to Unlimited Abundance.'