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How to make sure he wants to see you again.
By Christian Carter
Last updated on Apr 04, 2014
Is there anything you can do in the first few dates with a man to make sure he keeps asking you out? Absolutely! There you are, sitting in front of a new man you're seeing. Maybe you're on your third date with him, and you're wondering what he's thinking. The chemistry's good, the conversation is effortless, and you feel like this is the start of something really special. And it definitely could be — if you keep a few things in mind about how men approach dating.
When it comes to dating and commitment, men usually operate on a much different — and slower — time scale than women. Sure, you may meet some guys who will "signal" you out and make their intentions clear to you very quickly. But what you'll normally encounter is that men take longer to decide when to get serious with one particular woman. At the beginning, a man is just getting to know you. He needs time to feel comfortable with you, let down his guard, and start seeing you as a part of his life. I know it's frustrating, but this is normal. Just keeping this in mind will save you a lot of angst when a guy isn't "moving things along" the way you think he should.
A lot of women don't approach early dates this way, though — they feel intense chemistry with a man, and they think "This is it." So, instead of merely enjoying those first few dates and being present at the moment, they're already acting like they're in a relationship. They're thinking about the future. I call this the "Instant Relationship" — it's what happens when you assume that you two are a sure item too soon.
Falling for the Instant Relationship works against you in several ways: First, it blinds you to potential red flags. When you narrow your focus to one guy like this, you end up committing yourself to him before you know important things about him. Second, a guy will sense that you have already decided he's the one for you, and he will feel an expectation to deliver when he might not yet be ready. He'll feel pressured, and he may withdraw. So what does that mean for you? It means that the best thing for you is to do the very same thing a guy does. Use those first few dates to simply get to know if you like this guy and if he's right for you. Taking your time like this is good for several reasons:
- You get to make an informed decision about whether he's worth your time;
- You prevent yourself from getting too wrapped up in a man before knowing if he is worth it; and
- You protect yourself from getting your heart broken (if you're still checking him out and he breaks it off, you haven't yet determined if he was that great and worth the heartache, right?)
So, even though guys do weird things, this is one instance where you should follow a guy's lead. Treat those early stages of dating just like a man: take your time, have fun, and look out for yourself. And even if a guy does tell you he's ready to move into a more serious relationship quickly, your best bet is to slow things down to find out what this guy is all about. When you allow both of you the space to get to know each other without expectations and assumptions, you create the right conditions for a real relationship to develop. You'll be building a solid foundation of positive, shared experiences that will draw you closer and closer together.
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Christian Carter is a dating coach and author of the e-book Catch Him & Keep Him. He has helped more than three million women become more successful with men, dating, and relationships.