What Makes Us Happier In Relationships, Freedom Or Security?

couple playing

Is it a case of the grass is always greener on the other side? Are married people happier than singletons or are singletons happier than those who have exchanged "I Do's" and vowed to love, honor and cherish one another 'till death do them part?

Whether single or married, let's address one thing immediately. Happiness is a choice and depends on each person individually. You can be happily single or miserably married, or vice versa. The question is more a factor of security rather than happiness. Married people are more secure in their lives, but not necessarily happier.

A lot of single women are confident, happy and extremely successful. They enjoy making their own decisions and not having to conform to society's traditional views of what constitutes one's happiness, or lack thereof, if not married by a certain age. However, most people do want to find a partner or mate to share their life with and to have as a companion, best friend, lover or just confidant. Not everyone is looking for the same thing from a relationship when searching for a life partner, but the one common denominator is that people don't want to end up alone. It's human nature. We crave others and human interaction.

Is marriage the ultimate goal and solution to all problems unhappy people deal with? Absolutely not. Marriage does not equal happiness. It equals security. When a woman gets married, she gets a title; she becomes a Mrs. and she is societally legitimized. She has someone to take care of and who takes care of her. Marriage brings status to a couple. It shows a commitment to the outside world, even if you personally are unhappy with your married life, you still have a partner to whom you are legally bound. Having "Single" as your status unfortunately still carries a stigma with it as if you are an incomplete or incapable person for some reason. "Oh, she's the divorced one. Poor thing" or, "Wow, he's still not married? What's his problem? He probably has mommy issues.' Society quickly judges and blames without any knowledge.

Happiness comes from you. Happiness is a choice. If you have a wonderful partner in life that brings you happiness, then that's incredible, but it's irrelevant if you're single or married because you yourself are happy! But don't be fooled. The traditional institution of marriage doesn't hold water the way it used to 20 or 30 years ago. Women's independence allows us to literally have our cake and eat it too. We can bring home the bacon and fry it up in a pan and have babies on our own as well. There is a gigantic societal shift that is taking place in first world countries, and it's phenomenal to watch it happen.

So are singletons happier than married couples? I believe single people are looking to become a couple with someone and that married people seem happier because they always have their spouse to go home to and have something to do together. Married people attend events together, eat meals together, and have consistent sex, whereas a singleton is always looking for someone to share a meal with, has to find someone to accompany him or her to events and doesn't have that day-to-day foundation of a nice, steady routine.

A married person will look at a singleton and maybe crave the fun, freedom and ability to go anywhere and do whatever they want. Singles can pick up and move, travel to an exotic locale and date (and sleep with) as many people as they want, but it's also very stressful. There are always questions about who am I dating? Is she into me? Am I into him? Does he like me? Will we get married? When will I get over this heartbreak? Will I ever meet someone? When married couples see the isolation that singletons may struggle with, they go home to their spouse grateful to not have to be starting over again.

Tips For Singles:

  1. Believe that there is "a cover for every pot" as Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider of The Rules always teach!
  2. Know that there is someone for everyone!
  3. You are not alone. There are more than 100 million single Americans. That's just in the United States! Think worldwide.
  4. You must attend Singles Events. Google Singles Events in your area and three cities North/South/East and West of your hometown. Google Singles Events in other states.
  5. Try Speed Dating at least 5 times.
  6. Smile! You're much more approachable and give off a better vibe when you smile, even if you're heartbroken inside. Go home and cry alone, but smile when you're out and about! No one wants a Debbie Downer or Sad Sally.
  7. Go to Singles Travel events and trips.
  8. Let your friends and family know that you are single and seriously looking to meet someone so they think of you next time for introductions and set ups.
  9. Sign up for Online Dating and new Dating Apps.
  10. Never give up!