Why High Maintenance Women Will Always Get The Best Guys

Having high standards is a good thing.

high maintenance woman with wind blowing through her hair in a car getty images

High-maintenance women attract good men. "Low-maintenance" women attract jerks … or no men at all. Is this counter-intuitive to you? Did you think that the less you expected from a man, the more he'd like you? 

Is there a difference between a high maintenance man and a high maintenance woman?

Well, consider this: a good man — one who is confident, mature, and relationship-minded — wants to give to a woman and make her happy. He needs to know that you need him and that he's enhancing your already great life, so is this vice versa for a woman?


RELATED: Sorry, Boys: High Standards Don't Equal High-Maintenance

What is a high-maintenance woman?

What does it mean to be a high-maintenance person? A high-maintenance person is a person who simply wants to be treated how they deserve to be treated. 

A woman simply wanting to be treated right shouldn't be considered high maintenance. Sometimes, women are labeled as high maintenance because some people don't understand what high maintenance really is or how to be high maintenance. 

You can tell if a woman is high maintenance when she simply tells it like it is and if she needs and wants more from you she'll let you know. If anything, a high-maintenance woman is not a settler. 


Sometimes people think of a high maintenance woman or a high maintenance girl as a diva and if you were to date a high maintenance woman, all she would be is a bossy girlfriend who just wants your credit card and lots of attention. However, that's not the case. 

An actual high-maintenance woman is typically a woman who sets high standards for her partner and of course herself. According to Urban Dictionary, she has a "greater requirement for affection or attention; has more needs and/or demands and therefore more difficult or challenging."

The reality is, lots of women have expectations and requirements that need to be met when dating. If that makes them high maintenance, then every woman should want to be high maintenance. 

What does it mean when a man says a woman is high-maintenance?

There can be two different meanings when a man says a woman is high-maintenance, the difference is the response of a bad man versus a good man. 


A good man wants a high-maintenance woman or would say a woman is high-maintenance because he knows she respects and loves herself. He doesn't want to be completely responsible for your happiness. (That's why I said he wants to "enhance" your life, not "be" your life).

A bad man would say a woman is high-maintenance because he doesn't respect her, her feelings, or her standards because he only thinks that his feelings are valid and that she's a lot of "work."

RELATED: Strong Women Don't Have 'Attitudes' — We Have Standards

To determine if you're a high maintenance woman, look back on previous relationships (short or long) and answer these questions:

1. Were there any good guys who might have gotten away because you acted like you didn't need him and/or didn't seem to have any expectations of him?

2. Are the men you're attracting the "good guys?" Are they givers or are they takers?

3. Do you know your boundaries, and do you stick to them?

4. How well do you show him that you respect yourself?

5. If a cute guy asks you out for Friday night on Friday morning, do you accept? When he doesn't call or shows up late, do you tell him it's okay because you don't want to scare him away? (By the way, I think he gets one free pass on these.) When he's telling you he's too busy to see you week after week, are you still hanging on?

6. And how is this working for you?

Now, say you're the girl who doesn't need anything (or at least doesn't act as you do). Mr. Good Man will not pick you as a partner. He may sleep with you, but he won't date you or marry you. If you don't leave room for him to be your hero and you don't show that you know you're worthy of him, he will leave before you can say "Why didn't he call?" 


On the other hand, let's say that you graciously receive his compliments and show enthusiastic appreciation for the big and little things he does for you. Maybe you occasionally ask for his advice and let him open the pickle jar.

You also make and keep boundaries, expect him to keep his word, and expect to be treated special. That, along with your kindness to him tells Mr. Good Man that you're relationship material. You're able to welcome him into your life, and you're confident in who you are, what you want, and how to get it.

That's why it's important to be a high-maintenance woman so you are getting what you deserve. Isn't it funny? All this time we thought being low-maintenance was the key to getting the guy. Actually, that was in high school.


Turns out, it's better to be a high-maintenance woman. As a grown-up woman looking to share her life with a grown-up man, not expecting anything only gets the guy who doesn't want to give you anything.

RELATED: 3 Subtle Things You Might Be Doing (That Keep Him From Falling In Love With You)

Bobbi Palmer, founder of Date Like A Grownup is an internationally recognized Expert helping women over 40 find grownup, lasting, passionate love with the right man. As a first-time bride at 47, Bobbi shares her compassionate but powerful advice in her free video series "The 4 Devastating Mistakes Women in their Search for Love."