How To Have HOT Anal Sex That Isn't Painful

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how to have anal sex

Anal can be pleasurable if you know what to do.

Anal sex is one of those things about sex you either love or hate. There is very little in between. Most men and women have tried it at some point, and a fair few of them will never dare again despite their hankering to be one of the "lucky ones" who love anal sex. 

The reason for this avoidance is clear: Pain and pleasure. If there was no pain, there was probably intense pleasure. Hence, love or hate. It is true, that while you are trying to "get it right" there are likely to be some painful moments, practice makes perfect and it is the ability to maneuver yourself and try different styles that allow anal sex to be pleasurable.

So, what do men and women love and hate about anal sex so that you can enter the situation sufficiently informed and ready to rock your world?

For men and women, anal sex is a different, tighter sensation, considered naughty and it provides some variety to virginal sex. Anal sex has a tang of taboo attached to it, though this is falling away. 

The taboo, naughty status of anal sex gives it better credence among the adventuresome and timid alike, and this adds to its attraction. Once tried, however, anal sex can quickly lose its appeal for women (and some men). Here I will discuss some of the reasons why women and men love or hate anal sex and then go into how to have anal sex that is pleasurable.

Let us start with the positives. Men and women love anal sex because it can feel absolutely incredible. It is different in sensation and it does not feel like anything else he or she may have felt before. It is deep sensation inside, for a woman it is not her clitoris and is not in her vagina, but feels strangely like both in a sort of mixed-up combination in another part of her body. The rectum, once it is ready, literally swallows the penis up and cannot get enough. The back passage transforms itself into a sexual playground.

Why? Although her "A" spot is her vagina, her "A" spot is stimulated through her rectum wall by the thrusting of the penis. And when you stimulate her clitoris and/or vagina with your fingers while you are inside of her, it can take her to another sexual realm. She will experience very intense anal orgasms.

Both men and especially women love to be a little bit naughty sometimes, and anal sex is one of those things you can do completely privately, and nobody will ever know you were naughty except you and your lover. It is also often a "first time for everything" type of activity which can also be nice, doing something you have never done before, ever. 

Now, for what can go wrong, anal sex hurts if done incorrectly. Anal sex is not easy to master when you have not done it before. For a man it may seem straight forward, you slip in and out. But it is not this simple. 

Women hate anal sex primarily because it hurts. It can cause cold sweats, shivers, extreme agony, and a massive chemical release into the blood stream that causes pain. This is highly unpleasant for her instead of experiencing pleasure.

If you are not very careful and do not warm her up properly and if you do not go slowly enough, you will more and likely hurt her. This really minimizes your chances for trying anal sex again. 

Always be your best and most loving with her, so you both enjoy great pleasure and intimacy. Anal sex is obviously a hot spot for a mess. The idea that you could penetrate her butt and come out in a sticky situation is hugely embarrassing for her before it has even happened, and for this reason, she may avoid anal sex altogether. 

Women spend so much time making themselves look and smell beautiful that to have something ruin her hard work can be mildly devastating. Worrying about mess can be alleviated by using an anal douche before engaging in any anal play. Try taking a shower together and make sure her bowels are emptied at least an hour before starting.

Here are a few ways to learn how to have anal sex. We'll start with the basics.

1. Use a lot of lubrication.

The anal canal does not produce its own lubricant, so it is imperative that you use a good quality lubricant in all your anal adventures. It is advisable to use a silicon-based lubricant because they tend to last longer and do not dry up very quickly like some water-based lubricants do. ABSOLUTELY do not use sticky petroleum-based products like Vaseline, as they clog up the walls of the rectum and are much too sticky.

2. Tease her.

It is very important that she is very turned on before you even go near her butt. When she is turned on, her body is much more open to you than if she is only mildly turned on. She needs to be aching for you to touch her there. 

Then, when you start to touch her closer to her anus, she will respond with moans and groans instead of a tense grimace. Rub her body all over with oils, relax her, love her, adore her, and caress her. Get her to the point where she is begging you for it, and do this without putting a single thing in her. Anticipation is one of the greatest sexual tools you have, so use it to your advantage. 

3. Remember that condoms and hygiene are important.

Diseases can be passed through unprotected sex and this includes anal sex. The wall of the rectum is very thin and permeable. However, using condoms can be better for both partners, for other reasons.

Women may not like to have a bottom full of semen, which quite frankly is a fair call. After the disruptions of anal sex, the semen mixes with the contents of the rectum and it can get a little "upset" in there. Using a condom avoids this trouble. 

Condoms may also protect the penis from any stray fecal matter, though this is generally not a problem, and if it does occur can be washed off easily with no harm done. Men may like to wear a condom so they last a bit longer as the condom desensitizes the penis somewhat and allows for longer lovemaking. 

Now that we've covered the basics, here are a few things NOT to do:

  • Do not ever put your penis into a woman’s body without her express permission. 
  • Do not treat her body like a scoring device. She is not an object for you to ejaculate in or on, and if she is kind enough to share her beautiful butt with you, treat it with respect and be happy you were allowed close enough to breathe her in at all. 
  • Do not ejaculate inside of her if requested not to. 
  • You may be totally "ravishing" her, but DO NOT abuse her. Respect that she is trusting you to "surrender" herself to you. Anal sex like any form of sex can be a "transcending" and "ecstatic" experience for you both to share in intimacy.
  • Don’t slam, jackhammer or be forceful. 

And here are a few things to ALWAYS do:

  • Always use lube.
  • Always wear a condom if requested to without acting like a baby.
  • Do as you are asked at all times and communicate, as anal sex is a delicate situation and she needs to be able to trust you. 
  • Open your mind to the possibility that anal sex is not something that only you do to your female lover, but something that you could do to each other. 

Anal sex takes a lot of practice to perfect and experimenting with one another is a fantastic way to deepen your intimate connection and enhance your sex life and relationship. 

It does not have to involve sex toys. You can use fingers, tongues, oils, lubes, and any number of other things. Experiment, and let your own body, your energy be loved. It will pay off. Anal sex is many things to many people. Do it right, and you will get to do it again. Do it wrong, and you may be doomed forever.

How to Prepare for Anal Sex

  • Before anal exploration, make sure your bowels are empty. Take a shower and soap all around your anus. Just this simple prep should leave you feeling clean enough to explore. If you do not feel quite clean enough yet, try an anal douche.
  • Begin exploring your lover's anus and its pleasurable nerve endings with your fingers or a toy before you attempt anal sex. 
  • Always use a bunch of thick lube when you explore your anus, as the anus does not lubricate naturally. You really cannot use too much.
  • When you insert your fingers or a toy into your lover's anus, let your lover relaxing their sphincter muscles. 
  • When you are the one being penetrated, a great way to isolate your sphincter muscles is to think about tensing them up. Clench the muscles you would use to keep from passing gas, then release. The more you clench and release, the more relaxed your ass will become. 
  • Relax and bear down when something is being pushed inside you. The key to enjoyable anal sex is a relaxed anus (and all that lube). When you feel relaxed and like you are ready to be penetrated anally, go for it. 
  • If you prefer, you can choose a position where you control penetration, such as you squatting or kneeling on top. Another gentle position is the spooning position, where both partners lie on their sides. 
  • Have your lover apply plenty of lube to his penis before entering. A condom is advisable, as the bacteria from your anus could give him a UTI.

This article was originally published at The Intimate Communion Magazine. Reprinted with permission from the author.