4 Brutally Honest Reasons Why He Stopped Initiating Intimacy

We all go through ups and downs in a long-term relationship — I'm no exception to this rule. One thing I’ve noticed in my own relationship, as well as in my clients, is that there can be a phase in which your husband, boyfriend, or partner is no longer initiating intimacy with you. You may be thinking, “I’m not attractive anymore,” “He doesn’t think I’m hot,” or, “He doesn't desire me anymore.” You're all up in your head spinning around a hundred different stories. You might even feel a little resentful or hurt for him not touching you passionately like he used to. The only way to solve it is communication.

Here are 4 brutally honest reasons why he stopped initiating intimacy:

1. He's protecting himself from getting his feelings hurt

Weird, isn’t this one of the reasons you don’t initiate either? If you consistently deny him, he's not going to want to be turned down anymore — he's protecting his feelings. This is an instance of swallowing your feelings and being the first to say something. Your relationship, and intimate life, will thank you for it.

2. He's worried about you

Maybe you have been experiencing pain during intimacy and had to stop him. He feels like he was hurting you and of course, he doesn’t want to do that, so in an attempt to protect you, he's not pushing the matter. He probably thinks you'll initiate when you feel ready.

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3. He is insecure and unsure

Behind his tough, confident, manly front he doesn’t exactly know what to do to please you (perhaps you haven’t told him exactly how to do that?) He might be thinking that he can’t make you feel good, that he doesn’t have the moves or looks anymore, or that you aren’t as attracted to him. These are tricky situations that can turn into a vicious cycle, but it doesn’t have to. You can have the love life (and life) you desire simply by communicating what you enjoy during the act. Don't be afraid to help him out.

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4. He is super stressed or exhausted

It isn’t always about you. I know it's hard to believe sometimes, but he could just be drained from outside circumstances such as work, a health situation, or situations with family or friends that are emotionally draining. It has happened to all of us at different times, and he's no exception.