Are You Fit to be Someone's Husband or Wife?


Is your age combined with your "No Kids/Never Been Married" history giving you a "red flag" status?

I remember once conversing with my late mother when I was young, and she confessed that she felt "old" when she got engaged.  I was like, "Really?  You were not even thirty years of age yet!" (my late mother was 27 when my father proposed to her).  She said in her generation, most women's biggest fear was to grow old and become labeled as an "old maid" and/or a "spinster," two unflattering terms used to describe women who were 35 years of age or older who had never married and never had any children.

Fast forward to 2013 where I was reading a female friend of mine's discussion thread on the popular social networking site, Facebook, and a number of men and women were discussing bachelors who were 35 years of age or older and had never been married and did not have any children.  I have no idea what the male equivalent terminology is for a "spinster," but trust me ... many women are starting to label older, childless bachelors as "red flags."

I myself am in this category.  I have yet to be married, and I do not have a son or daughter (that I know of).  The first time I ever heard of this being a "controversial" or "undesirable" status was at my 20-year high school reunion.  Some female classmates of mine were "shocked" that I had not been married, and even more so, that I did not have any children.

"Alan!!  I cannot believe you do not have a son or daughter!!!  That blows my mind!!' said one female classmate.  "I would think by the time you reached your mid-to-late thirties, you would have been married at least once ... if not twice" said another female classmate.  Do these women realize that movie star Warren Beatty was 54 years old when he got married for the first time to actress Annette Bening? (The couple now has four children together)

I remember when writer and freelance columnist Tracy McMillan wrote a piece two years ago entitled, Why You're Not Married.  Ms. McMillan offered six reasons why she felt many women who desired to be married had not achieved that status yet. 

The reasons were:

#1 - "You are a bitch"

#2 - "You are shallow"

#3 - "You are a slut"

#4 - "You are a liar"

#5 - "You are selfish"

#6 - "You feel you are not good enough"

I agree with many of her reasons, and partially disagree on one or two.  Therefore, I am going to offer my own reasons for why I believe many single men and single women have yet to be married by the age of 35 or older.  The #1 "default" reason why I believe many men and women have not exchanged vows at the altar by the time they are 35 years of age or older would simply be because they have made a conscious choice not to get married.

The vast majority of my reasons that I have listed on the next few pages are specifically geared toward men and women who are 35 years of age or older who very much WANT TO BE married, but certain factors and individual flaws are holding them back.  Here we go . . .

Top Five reasons why many single *WOMEN* who want to be married are not:

1)  You are not enjoyable to be around on a day-to-day, week-to-week, month-to-month basis.

Comment:  You can say that this is simply a very formal way of saying the same thing that Ms. McMillan said (i.e., "You're a bitch"), but the reality is, I know some women who I would not necessarily label as a "bitch" who are not enjoyable to be around on a regular basis.

Here are some of the adjectives and phrases that many men I know have used to describe women who they do not enjoy being around regularly:  "argumentative," "boring," "bossy," "dishonest," "full of drama," "irritating," "moody," "nagging," "phony," "pretentious," "prudish," "shallow," and "superficial."

Just about all men I know want a woman with these two qualities at minimum:  a) a woman who is fairly easy to get along with, and b) a woman who enjoys having sex just as much if not slightly more than they do.  Every other quality is frosting on the cake.  Make sure your personality does not rub men the wrong way and that your character and integrity is beyond reproach.

2)  Your criteria for a long-term romantic companion or future spouse is too unrealistic or too 'nitpicky.'

Comment:  About ten years ago or so, a female friend and I got into a lengthy discussion about what men look for in a potential spouse or long-term romantic companion, and what women look for in the same.   At the conclusion of our discussion, we agreed to exchange e-mail messages describing what we were each looking for.

My list totaled approximately 6 or 7 attributes and characteristics.  Her list?  38 very specific attributes, characteristics, and personality qualities.  THIRTY-EIGHT.  Not joking.

There is nothing wrong with a woman (or man) having "standards," but you never want to get so carried away that you view 999 out of every 1,000 members of the opposite sex you meet as "not up to par."

3)  You have a history and reputation for being either way too prudish ... or way too promiscuous

Comment:  This is somewhat of a "sensitive" issue for some women, based on past conversations.  For example, I know a lot of women who literally refuse to discuss their sexual past with new boyfriends.

How important your sexual past is ... or is not ... depends on the type of man you want to date.  Some men are very judgmental, some men are "kinda, sorta" judgmental, and other men are not judgmental at all when it comes to a woman's sexual past.

A lot depends on how egotistically competitive and egotistically insecure that particular man is.  Many men do not want to seriously date or marry a woman if they know that woman has had sex with men who are friends of theirs, acquaintances of theirs, co-workers of