4 Tiny Codependent Habits That Quietly Ruin Relationships

What is codependency? And can you learn how to stop being codependent if you don't even know what those behaviors are? There are codependent habits that wreck relationships but here's the truth you may not know. Every relationship between two people who live together, love together and are together as partners on the path of life is codependent. But there's a healthy codependency and there's such a thing as an unhealthy codependency in a relationship.

Some people realize their codependency is harming their relationship but others have no idea that their codependent behavior is destroying a really good thing. The question to ask is whether the codependency in your relationship is healthy or not. Here are four codependent habits that wreck relationships that people often don't realize they're doing until it's too late.

Here are 4 tiny codependent habits that quietly ruin relationships:

1. Being a bully

Bullying your partner to get them to do what you want and what you think will get your needs met and bring you happiness will take a toll on your relationship. No one likes a bully (even if you don't see yourself that way). When faced with someone telling them what they "should" do, people either resist and fight or give up and give in — emotionally and energetically "checking out," even becoming passive-aggressive.

When this happens, your hope for what you want in your relationship is lost. You can't be in a close, connected, loving relationship if your partner feels like they are being bullied. They just won't feel safe enough to open up to you and give you their whole heart.

2. Being all take and no give

There is always an ebb and flow in every relationship but people who are "codependent" usually want to take way more than they give. If one of the traits of codependent behavior is that the codependent person has an excessive reliance on others, then he or she has to make sure their needs are met, even at the expense of the partner's needs. When a person is perceived as "taking" too much in a relationship, eventually the other person will get tired of the dance and will move on either physically or emotionally.

3. Being a pleaser

You can wreck your relationship with codependent behavior when you're a pleaser. When you're a pleaser, you can fool yourself into thinking your behavior is unselfish and you are just being nice and kind. But there's always a hidden agenda that can even be hidden from yourself. When you're to fulfill an unspoken bargain that you make with yourself without telling your partner what you expect in return, it can set up a dynamic that tears down trust and communication. A pleaser becomes codependent on the other person's approval and gratitude. And when that doesn't happen, the pleaser loses his or her grounding and can feel lost.

4. Letting fears run the show

Codependent people allow their fears to run rampant and believe every thought that comes into their heads. This is especially true when jealousy rears its ugly head! They allow their fears to intensify and relationships that used to be free, fun, and full of possibilities feel like a trap. The codependent person is fearful of losing the security, safety, or what they think they have and gets consumed by "What-If-Down" thinking.

"What-If-Down" thinking is immediately thinking (and holding onto) the worst possible thing that can happen instead of seeing even a glimmer of possibility. When you realize that you don't have to believe all the "worst" thinking that comes into your head. When you realize that holding onto the worst thinking, doesn't keep you safe or prevent pain (it just keeps it alive and growing.)