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These alarming traits are troubling red flags.
By Deni Abbie — Last updated on Jun 27, 2023
If the boyfriend you've been dating gives off bad vibes, you need to pay close attention to their personality traits.
You think you have met your Prince Charming — yet, he seems a little too good to be true. Well, he just might be.
Is that little voice in your head telling you something just doesn't feel right and things are moving a little too fast? You need to stop, listen, and take notes. That little voice in your head is called gut instinct and you need to listen to it.
A sociopath is one of the worst predators to become involved with, in the dating and relationship world.
The signs of a sociopath aren't always easy to see at first, but once they surface, you need to be on high alert.
Once you come under his influence, emotional and, sometimes, physical escape can be very difficult.
If your boyfriend has these 12 toxic traits, he may be a sociopath:
1. He's incredibly charming
Sociopaths are extremely charming and normally very charismatic.
They can be the center of attention at parties or very well-liked in social circles, but it is surface.
2. He's attractive — and knows it
They are sexually attractive and they know it.
They use this to their advantage.
3. He says 'I love you' too soon
They tell you they are in love with you very quickly and move the relationship at a whirlwind rate.
You do not have time to think since you are caught up in the excitement of the entire experience.
4. He gives you a lot of attention
Sociopaths overdose you with attention at first — calling, emailing, texting, and spending all their time with you.
They may also buy you gifts or whatever it takes to lock you and your time in fast.
5. He locks you in
They try and lock the relationship in by either moving in together, becoming engaged, or getting married within a very short amount of time.
They know they cannot hide their identity long so they will try to cement the deal before you become aware and try and leave.
6. He plays the victim
They are never responsible for anything relationship issues in their past nor will they be in the future.
They are incapable of seeing or admitting their own faults.
7. He wants to be pitied
They play upon your sympathy for everything they do.
They blame it on childhood scars, work problems, relationship issues, money problems, etc.
8. His eyes always look angry
They say the eyes are the windows to the soul — this is a great place to notice there is something wrong.
When they are angry all the time, there is a cold, hostile intensity that is unnerving.
9. He is a pathological liar
It doesn’t seem to matter what it is about, they seem to make laying a way of life if it makes their life easier.
They show no remorse when they are caught lying.
10. He doesn't show guilt
When they cheat, lie, or hurt someone they love, there is no real sense of guilt.
They may be unhappy they are caught, but they will do it again. Remorse is not part of their genetic makeup.
11. He is Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde
You are dealing with two very different people — the charming man you met and fell in love with and the abusive cruel, unfeeling, lying manipulative man that has no feelings.
You keep waiting for the first one to resurface.
12. He breaks the 'rules'
They tend to have no respect for rules regulations or the law. They enjoy pushing the envelope with no fear, remorse, or guilt over their actions.
If this list of personality traits and signs of a sociopath in a relationship aren't clear enough and you're still unsure if your boyfriend's negative traits are due to his sociopathy, you need to look closer.
Recognizing and breaking the 'sociopathic cycle'
The five stages of a relationship with a sociopath, called the "sociopathic cycle," is another key to spotting a sociopathic boyfriend:
- Phase 1 — Everything is wonderful. You are both in a euphoric state, with great sex, and romance. Everything seems perfect.
- Phase 2 — There is a slow subtle change where the sociopath starts to find faults with his new love and they want to bring back the wonderful feelings and try to please him. They become fearful of losing or displeasing them.
- Phase 3 — There is some incident that happens that triggers: physical abuse, verbal abuse, anger, fighting, threats, and intimidation.
- Phase 4 — This is the makeup stage. The sociopath will be very remorseful, apologize, promise to never repeat the behavior, blame the victim for their behavior, and deny and gaslight the situation.
- Phase 5 — This is a calm phase in which the relationship returns back to the loving romantic relationship, the incident is forgotten until the cycle repeats itself.
Relationships are wonderful and when you find someone you're head over heels in love with, their negative traits don't always make themselves known first. But, once you notice these dramatic personality changes, it's time to take action and save yourself.
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Deni Abbie is a certified life coach and hypnotherapist.