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Woman Seeks Advice After Husband Suggests Conceiving A Baby With Her Sister The ‘Traditional Way’ Instead Of Surrogacy

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Couple hugging with ultrasound photo

Surrogacy isn’t always a family’s first choice when it comes to having kids, especially when you factor in the costs involved.

But, for those who can’t conceive on their own, it is one of the most amazing scientific advancements and has helped build many happy families. 

So, for one woman who opened up on Reddit and her and her husband’s struggles with infertility, surrogacy seemed like a fantastic way to make her dreams of becoming a mom come true.

The woman was also supported in this decision by her sister who kindly offered to carry the baby, amazing — or so she thought!

However, things got extremely complicated when the husband suggested that he have sex with her sister in order to conceive.

“My husband said he looked at how much time and money IVF would take and slowly started hinting that we take the traditional way,” the woman wrote on Reddit’s “True Off My Chest” subreddit where users open up about the things causing them stress in life.

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“I was too shocked to even say anything but he acted like what he said was not even that big of a deal,” she continued.

Now, surrogacy and IVF are expensive and lengthy processes. And it can no doubt be stressful for couples and even cause strain on a marriage. 

But there can’t be many people who think surrogacy would cause more strain than your husband sleeping with your sister!

Needless to say, her husband’s suggestion has completely changed her thoughts on having a child in this way.

“I'm 100 percent against it, that is [why] I'm backing down and am no longer comfortable with this whole surrogacy route,” the woman wrote.

“I can't even imagine my sister's reaction once she hears my husband's suggestion.”

She says that she is “devastated” by her husband’s action but not just because she’s shocked that her husband would suggest having sex with her sister just to save some time and money.

She also says that she feels totally uncomfortable and knows that she would never be able to get over this if they ever did follow through on his plan.

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“If I ever agree despite feeling [uncomfortable] then I will always carry this memory of how the baby is conceived,” she explains — fair enough!

So, with all that in mind, the woman said she outright refused the absurd idea and “shut his suggestion down hard.”

However, her husband is now trying to guilt her into going along with his plan.

Unfortunately, the husband is not being particularly respectful to his wife’s feelings and her obvious discomfort.

“He's now started guilting me saying I don't trust him then saying I'm selfish for choosing to back out when he still wants to be a dad like he expected when he married me,” she writes.

This part is particularly heartbreaking as the woman feels like her husband is blaming her for her fertility problems which are obviously not her fault, nor are they anything to be ashamed of.

“I feel so devastated and like my body is useless and has failed me,” she writes.

Thankfully, many people supported her in the comments.

“Your body is not useless. I was told for many years I was infertile and I felt that my body had betrayed me for being able to do the one thing that came so easily to other people,” one kind person wrote.

“I wish someone had spared me those years of heartache that I never shared with anyone. My head is breaking for you. You are beautiful and worth being treated with respect and kindness.”

A lawyer even chimed in to point out that the original poster (OP) won’t even have rights to this child if they follow through with this plan.

“Without an official surrogacy contract the sister can claim the baby as her own and husband can be on the hook for child support,” they wrote, “OP will have a hard time proving legal rights to the child. This is a terrible idea all around.”

Others even had their own suggestions for how the sister could conceive without having to have intercourse with the sister…. Turkey baster, anyone?

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Alice Kelly is a senior news and entertainment editor for YourTango. Based out of Brooklyn, New York, her work covers all things social justice, pop culture, and human interest. Keep up with her Twitter for more.