Woman's 'Frugal' Husband Gets Groceries From Food Drives Despite Making $200K A Year
He doesn't see anything wrong with taking food from people who need it, so she left.
Sara Carpenter/Shutterstock; Reddit via Canva A woman on Reddit made a post on the “r/AmItheA--hole” (AITA) forum looking for advice on whether her reaction to her husband’s behavior was warranted — thus, asking whether or not she was the “a--hole.”
According to her, she left her husband at home while she stayed at her brother’s because of the way her husband “buys” groceries, but the truth feels a lot more sinister once she explains it.
Her husband gets groceries from food drives despite making $200k a year.
She explains that she and her husband have been in a committed relationship for over 17 years, and although things have been great overall, “we’ve had a few rough patches.”
“What’s important to note is that while he earns more than me and is considered the main provider, I have a substantial trust fund that ensures we’re financially stable,” she explains. “I work part-time as a teacher while attending university, earning less than him, and most of my income goes towards tuition. Our household income exceeds $200k annually, while the average in our area is below $50k.”
Photo: Reddit
She claims that an ongoing issue they have is her husband’s frugality, saying “He likes to control my spending and have the final say on how he uses his earnings. It’s worth mentioning that I’ve never used any of his income and have no intention to do so.”
According to the National Network to End Domestic Violence (NNEDV), controlling how all of the money is spent can be a form of financial abuse, and it seems apparent that this woman’s husband is controlling when it comes to their spending.
“Despite having more than enough food at home, he insists on going to food banks to save money,” she explains. “He intentionally looks disheveled and uses our beat-up car to blend in, even though he’s never experienced food scarcity.”
She explains to him that local food banks have posted about how they need donations.
“I suggested he volunteer or donate to gain firsthand experience, but he refuses,” she continues. “The unfortunate part is that since we’re never short on food, most of what he brings home ends up getting thrown away.”
The reason she posted in the first place is because she noticed that their fridge was filled with fresh produce and meat. When she confronted her husband about it, he admitted to seeing a Facebook post about a donation of fresh food and going to pick it up.
“People on social media were already asking if any was left, and there wasn’t,” she wrote. “I showed him these comments, but he brushed them off, claiming people should have gone earlier.”
Exhausted by her husband’s behavior, she packed up and left to stay with her brother, asking for space to think things over, but her husband wasn’t too keen about that either. He accused her of overreacting, being vindictive, and threatened to return to the food banks regardless of what she thought.
Photo: Reddit
Even his family has started reaching out to bombard her with their unwarranted opinions. When she turned off her phone, they started texting her brother, but “Thankfully, he supports my decision and ignores them.”
Everyone in the comments supported her as well, calling her husband “completely unhinged” and receiving so much backlash that the moderators of the forum had to lock the comments.
Fortunately, she reveals that a lot of the comments in the thread have made her rethink a lot of his behaviors, so we can only hope she’ll figure out how to move forward now that she’s gotten an outside perspective.
Isaac Serna-Diez is an Assistant Editor who focuses on entertainment and news, social justice, and politics.