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Woman Feels Excluded From Her Friends Now That She Has Kids - Says They Should Accommodate For Her More In Their Plans

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sad woman feels excluded from friends after she has kids

One of your friends having a child is a strange experience for all involved, especially when they are the first in the group to have one.

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Your friend suddenly has the responsibility of being a parent, which often prevents them from being able to see you and their other friends. On the other hand, you and your friends still want to see the new parent, but can’t because they are likely exhausted from taking care of their child. This is the case for one Redditor and her friend who is a new mother.

The original poster (OP) tried to accommodate her friend, but the situation eventually blew up. 

The woman in her mid-twenties, using the name u/thefloidavampire, posted her recount of events on r/AmItheA**hole, hoping to gain an outside perspective on who was at fault.

The woman writes that she supported her friend throughout her entire pregnancy, even planning her baby shower and preparing her house when she came home with the newborn.

Recently, however, her friend has been upset with her on multiple occasions for supposedly excluding her because she has a child.

The first time occurred after the baby shower. OP’s other friends wanted to treat her to drinks after she put all the work into planning the shower, but she couldn’t go due to fear of inhaling second-hand smoke inside the bar. 

Her friend told her it wasn’t fair that she and her other friends only wanted to go to adult-only places. OP countered by saying that they do try to make plans to accommodate her.

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“Every few weeks our friend group does a barbecue where she can bring the baby around us & hang out with us,” OP wrote. “We even visit her on separate occasions just to spend time with her or invite her out to lunch.”

Two more incidents happened afterward, one coming after the group went to a casino and the other after they went to a late-night bar. Despite being invited to join her friends at the bar, she accused them of intentionally excluding her because she had a child. 

OP strongly refuted her claims.

“I’m sorry you’re feeling that way but we’re a bunch of single 20 something-year-old people working 10 hours a day 40-70 hours a week & wanted to have a drink or two, we didn’t choose to have a kid with you, therefore, we don’t have to always worry about accommodating you,” she wrote. “You had a baby, life changed for you. I have no issue making more time for you but I’m not going to stop going to some of my favorite places with some of my favorite people whenever I want to & can bc you have other responsibilities now.” 

Her friend then angrily hung up on her.

Commenters largely agreed that OP was in the right in this scenario, or not the a**hole, in other words.

The most common point is that becoming a parent means giving up the party life of young adulthood to properly raise a child.

“She had the kid, and having kids comes with adult responsibilities and giving up the party life in this stage of her child’s life,” the top commenter wrote. “You said you all have been accommodating and do invite her to child-friendly things, which is a compromise. It’s not fair or reasonable for you all to drop your fun time plans because she became a parent.”

Some commended the woman for doing her best to keep her relationship with her friend, even if her efforts weren’t reciprocated.

“It sounds like you're doing your reasonable best to make her feel like you still care about and want to hang out with her,” another top commenter wrote. “Her expecting you to only ever do things that she can bring her baby to is selfish and unrealistic.”

Becoming a parent is a huge adjustment and growing pains come along with it, but that is no excuse to antagonize your friends who are doing their best to keep you in their life. 

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Jonathan Alfano is a writer who focuses on news and entertainment topics. He majors in journalism at the University of Central Florida with a minor in sports business. Follow him on Twitter.

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