Woman Is Considering Leaving Her New Husband After He Secretly Put His Last Name On Their Marriage License
The foundation of marriage is meant to be trust, communication, respect, and mutual understanding.
Zamrznuti tonovi / Shutterstock A newlywed woman is considering the state of her marriage after discovering the way her husband went behind her back and did something without her permission.
Posting to the subreddit "r/relationship_advice," the 28-year-old woman revealed that she had just married her husband but was upset after finding out he did to their marriage license.
She explained that she never had a desire to take her husband's last name.
In her Reddit post, she shared that it had been one month since she married her husband, Fred, also 28. During their 6-year relationship, she felt that both she and Fred were on the same page about the expectations that they had for each other, especially once they were married.
"We AGREED (as in he’s made this point as well) we didn’t want children — EVER — and I made it clear before and during wedding planning that I wasn’t changing my last name. EVER. He AGREED to this," she wrote. With the two of them in agreement over this, she didn't think she had anything to worry about.
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She explained that the tradition of taking a husband's last name has never been something that appealed to her and just felt too archaic and sexist. Many American women are divided on the marriage tradition of losing their last names.
According to the Pew Research Center, most women in opposite-sex marriages (79%) say they took their spouse’s last name when they got married, while another 14% kept their last name, and 5% hyphenated both their name and their spouse’s name.
On the day of their wedding, she claimed that Fred really pushed to have a ceremony in front of all of their friends and family where they would sign the marriage license together. He had been the first to go up and sign his name, and when it was her turn, she noticed that he was acting weird.
"He had his hand placed really weirdly on the document. I told him to move his hand, we had an awkward, quiet battle about it, and when he finally did I saw what he was hiding," the woman said.
She discovered that he had secretly put her name on the marriage license with his last name.
"It was his job to fill out all the forms for the license since he offered to do that for me so I had 'one less thing to worry about' and he went behind my back and PURPOSELY filled it out so I would be taking his last name," she ranted in her Reddit post.
She acknowledged that she was already stressed out because of all the documentation they needed, and didn't for one second think she would need to look over the forms because she trusted that her husband wouldn't betray her and what she wanted.
She continued, writing that she had refused to make a scene in front of everybody, so she simply pretended to sign her name on the marriage license, but already felt that the night was ruined.
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"Everything I thought we agreed to and all my preferences he knew about and thought he respected were destroyed, it was like my world was ending in what should have been the best day of my life."
Now, she has noticed that Fred is acting like a completely different person than the man she had agreed to marry. He argued that tradition is important to him and that all of his family and friends would've thought it weird that she didn't take his last name. He has even started bringing up the argument of what last names their children are going to have, even though they previously agreed they didn't want them.
"I know it’s technically the certificate that changes your last name, but to know this is what he’s wanted all along and that he was willing to try and pull one over on me is disgusting," she admitted. "I feel manipulated and heartbroken, and now he’s put all the pressure on me to make a decision because time is running out on filing for our marriage certification and he isn’t changing his mind."
She concluded that she felt 'backed into a corner' with a man that she thought she knew inside and out and is considering leaving him.
She says it's because the thought of being married to him with all of these issues between them seems too great of a task.
The foundation of marriage is meant to be trust, communication, respect, and mutual understanding. Changing one's last name is a personal decision that has varying opinions for many women. While some are okay with it, others find it problematic. Both decisions are not more important than the other and should be respected no matter what.
While traditions can hold significance for many people, they should not be used as a tool to override a partner's explicit wishes. Marriage should be a space where both partners feel respected and valued for who they are as individuals.
This woman's feelings of manipulation, heartbreak, and being backed into a corner are honestly valid responses to such a breach of trust. Whatever the outcome ends up being for this couple, this incident serves as a reminder of the importance of respecting anyone, from your partner to friends, choices, and maintaining open communication, especially in a marital relationship.
Nia Tipton is a Chicago-based entertainment, news, and lifestyle writer whose work delves into modern-day issues and experiences.