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By Nia Tipton — Written on Mar 03, 2023
"I asked my mom to help me take care of my newborn so I could go back to work once my leave is up. She refused," a woman started off a confessional, posted to the subreddit "r/AmItheA--hole" (AITA).
The subreddit is an online forum where users try to figure out if they were wrong or not in an argument that has been bothering them.
Her mom refused to babysit her grandkid unless she was getting paid because she's 'already raised her own kids.'
In her Reddit post, the woman wrote that her mother, who is 64 and has been a stay-at-home mother for some time, refused to watch her grandchild after being asked.
She argued that she's "already raised her own kids," telling her daughter that if she was going to have a baby, she should've decided to stay home and raise the child as she did.
"However, we are just coming out of a pandemic, going into a possible recession, there and there is no way my partner and [I] can make it financially on one income," she argued.
She explained that she makes $55,000 a year, but has $39,000 in student loans and $20,000 in other debt, such as credit cards, car loans, and medical bills.
Her partner only makes $36,000 a year and has $5,000 in debt.
"I as the higher breadwinner, have an internal obligation to go back to work since not only [do] I have the most at stake, I also make the most to keep our family afloat."
When she tried to explain to her mother her financial situation, she told her that if she needed someone to watch her newborn, she would need to be paid $20/hour, with late fees if they didn't pick up the baby on time.
They would also need to provide her with a car seat, stroller, bottles, and everything else that the baby would need.
"I want to save money to bring down our debt, and don't want to pay her as much nor invest as much in double of everything as it will spiral into more debt for me and my partner," she pointed out.
She continued, saying that she and her partner have been "on the fence" about putting their baby into daycare, though the cost would be lower.
"Due to our jobs, we cannot work from home so we are in desperate need of childcare. Everyone else in our family works full time so they cannot help us as they have a similar 9-5 schedule."
Most Reddit users agreed that she was in the wrong to ask her mom to watch her baby.
"She’s right, this is your child it’s not up to her to raise it," one user wrote.
"If she offered the help, great. But you can’t expect her to do it just because she is 'retired.'"
Another user added, "Childcare is work, your mom is older and frankly you shouldn't expect her to watch your child for free."
"She didn't sign up as free childcare just because she is your mom. That fact that you think she should is insane."
A third user chimed in, "You are an adult and chose to have a kid. Would it be great if she helped out? Sure, but you’re acting incredibly entitled."
"Your mom is allowed to ask for compensation for taking care of your kid too."
A fourth user echoed that sentiment, writing, "While it’s nice when grandparents babysit they aren’t obligated to do it. You want a full-time nanny, not a grandma."
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Nia Tipton is a writer living in Brooklyn. She covers pop culture, social justice issues, and trending topics. Keep up with her on Instagram and Twitter.