Slow Dumping' Is The Quietly Agonizing Way Most Relationships Come To An End — 5 Signs It's Happening To You
You feel it happening before you realize exactly what's going on.
Dima Aslanian via Shutterstock / Anzhelika Dubrovina, Wylius, Sketchify, Trendify and Black17BG via Canva There are so many ways to break up with a person. Some do it in person and transparently while others send a text or leave a “Dear John” letter behind. Some situations require an abrupt end to the relationship while other times breakups can drag out for what seems like eons — the latter of which has become known as "slow dumping."
What exactly is 'slow dumping?'
"Slow dumping is an indirect and gradual process in which one partner distances themselves emotionally and physically from a romantic relationship instead of openly communicating their desire to end it,’ Nia Williams, founder of the dating coaching service Miss Date Doctor, explained to Metro.
Akin to "quiet quitting" a relationship or letting a relationship fizzle out, the act of slow dumping has been around forever — and it’s absolutely brutal. It only happens when there is an established relationship where two people have committed to one another. Since slow dumping happens over an extended period of time, the person being dumped often has no idea that it's happening and is still working to save the relationship even though the other person has already checked out.
"It’s a passive way and cowardly of ending a relationship which can be very hurtful for the receiver," Williams added, because a person who slowly dumps someone is certain that they are no longer interested in the relationship. But instead of being straightforward, they start to engage in behavior so untenable that their partner has no choice but to take notice and eventually leave the relationship.
There are a few signs of slow dumping you can look for.
1. Communication is lacking.
They might not call or pick up the phone like they used to. They seemingly have no interest in talking to you about their day or yours and have stopped sharing with you. Your partner starts to interact with you as little as possible. They might simply have lost interest in you or be avoiding conversation, so you don’t detect their true motives.
2. They avoid quality time.
Your partner no longer takes you out, invites you to events, or spends time binge-watching shows together. They have no interest in spending time or maintaining the connection with you. You suddenly feel like a spectator on the sidelines of their life.
3. They become emotionally distant.
A person who is slow dumping you might suddenly seem detached and avoidant. You can no longer read their emotions and mood and begin to wonder if something is wrong but act as if everything is alright if you ask. They shut you out in preparation to leave you behind.
4. They are always gone.
Your person will use any excuse to be away from you. They might say they are working late, hanging with friends, or give any other reason that they are not around like they used to be. They are spending time with other people who matter more to them than you do.
5. They feel like a stranger.
Someone who is planning to leave might start behaving differently than what you are used to. They could form a new social circle, suddenly start complaining about you, or leave you out in the cold by limiting their interactions.
It’s important to note that the signs could also be a result of stress, depression, or anxiety in your partner.
Either way, it must be addressed and dealt with in a straightforward manner.
NyRee Ausler is a writer from Seattle, Washington. She covers lifestyle, relationship, and human-interest stories that readers can relate to and that bring social issues to the forefront for discussion.