Photo: Yan Krukau / Pexels
He doesn't want new roommates, especially since he's likely to end up taking care of the baby.
By John Sundholm — Written on Jan 27, 2023
A retired dad has ended up sparking drama with both his ex-wife and his pregnant daughter after refusing to take her in after she seems to have gotten pregnant on purpose.
Posting to the "r/AmITheA--hole" (AITA) subReddit, where people go to find out if they're in the wrong in a conflict, he described how the situation unfolded.
In his post, he writes that his pregnant daughter often flakes on her responsibilities, so he expects he'll end up helping care for her baby extensively.
Given that, he's not willing to sacrifice any more of his retired lifestyle.
The man's 23-year-old daughter got pregnant after stopping her birth control and now wants to move in with him.
The drama began when his daughter met a man online who lived in another state. Soon after, she said they wanted to get married and have kids, even though they hadn't met in person.
She then had her birth control implant removed, saying she wanted to switch to birth control pills.
Worried, the man had a long talk with his daughter about how expensive having children is and the importance of waiting until she's ready.
He was particularly concerned because his ex-wife had stopped taking her birth control in order to get pregnant and force him to marry her.
Sure enough, after going on a trip to finally meet her boyfriend in person for the first time, his daughter came home pregnant.
Her boyfriend has medical problems and is on disability because he cannot work, and she is unable to work because of morning sickness
She asked her father if she and her boyfriend could move in with him just for a few months so that her boyfriend could move from out of state and they could look for jobs.
But, he writes, "my daughter has a history of not following through on her commitments and I know that she won't actually move out before she has the baby."
Adding that he still has a cat she once bought and then tired of caring for, he wrote, "She has trouble taking responsibility...and I am guessing we will be the ones dealing with the baby mostly."
The man also has two children, 8 and 10 years old, with his second wife, and is nervous about having his daughter's boyfriend, whom none of them know well, in his house with his kids.
And given that he is currently enjoying his retirement, he told his daughter and her boyfriend, "I love my kids and raising them, but I had no interest in raising theirs."
Instead, he told his daughter he would help her and her boyfriend with a security deposite and first month's rent for an apartment, "but if they wanted to play house I wasn't going to fund it."
Regardless, he says his daughter is furious with him, as is her mother, who "has chewed me up one side and down the other for not supporting her."
Most commenters agreed that the man had done nothing wrong, especially since he offered to help his daughter and her boyfriend find a place to live.
One called his offer of rental deposit money "a generous compromise," but another user disagreed, writing that "he's going above and beyond with a very generous gift."
And many felt that at 23, it was up to his daughter to take care of this situation, not him.
As one user put it, "dad has absolved himself....His daughter has to fully accept the consequences of her actions for at least the next 18 years. Dad owes her NOTHING at this point."
Responsibility and owning up to one's choices were recurring themes in the responses.
One person summed it up thusly—"If she is mature enough to have a baby, she needs to be mature enough to care for it without foisting those duties onto [her dad]."
"And OP is right that if he agrees to this, he will be the one raising the baby."
"Being a parent...does not mean you have to support everything the adult child does."
More for You:
John Sundholm is a news and entertainment writer who covers pop culture, social justice and human interest topics.