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Soon after putting her foot down, the daughter and her boyfriend broke up.
By Isaac Serna-Diez
Last updated on Dec 25, 2023
With the ultimate cost of a bachelor's degree exceeding $500,000, receiving a full scholarship is nothing short of a blessing, and a testament to the recipient's promising future. That's why when one mom's daughter decided she would turn down not only her full scholarship but college altogether, the mother put her foot down.
After receiving a full ride to her dream school, an 18-year-old planned to spend her $250,000 college fund on her boyfriend.
According to the mother's Reddit post, her daughter Sara has a 4.0 GPA and was the valedictorian of her class. Her hard work paid off, as the mom revealed Sara received a full scholarship to the school of her dreams where she planned to study marine biology.
With the full scholarship, her family was left wondering what to do with the $250,000 they had saved up for her college fund. As tuition isn't the only college expense (food, housing, books and supplies run in the thousands on their own, according to Education Data Initiative), "We agreed that we would still give her the money to pay for other things that she would need in college, such as housing, food, etc.," the mom wrote.
However, Sara shocked her mom with a proposal for what she said she wanted to do with her college fund. After telling her boyfriend Bryan about her scholarship, he came up with a plan for the money.
"She then asked me for her college fund so she could help support Bryan's dreams," the mom revealed.
Unsurprisingly, the mother refused to allow her daughter to spend her college fund on her boyfriend.
Despite the free ride to school, the college fund would allow Sara the full college experience without having to worry about money. To see it as free money to spend on someone else is unwise in and of itself — but the mom also provided insights into her daughter's boyfriend's character that make the request even more of a red flag.
"His family is VERY well off, and his parents have never issued discipline on this child," the mom explained. "I mean, he is very rude and disrespectful, and although he seems sweet to my daughter when they are alone, she'll complain that whenever they're out with friends, Bryan is constantly putting her down and comparing her to Instagram models."
To make matters worse, Bryan decided that not only would he get Sara's college fund, but she shouldn't go to school at all.
"He sat her down and told her to not go to college at all. He told her to wait for him here in our town, and don't worry about getting a job even, because his parents will support her, and that he didn't feel comfortable with her going to college out of state and so far away," the mom said. "He also said that it made him feel unmanly when she has a set course for her future which will give her a good life, while he has none."
While it can be hard to see the signs of a controlling and manipulative person in the midst of a relationship with one, it was clear to this mother that her daughter was not in a healthy relationship. According to certified relationship coach Ken Canion, there are some key signs that a partner is too controlling, such as guilting someone into doing something and frequently criticizing — two behaviors Bryan has shown.
After asking her daughter "if she actually could see a serious future with Bryan in it," the daughter admitted that she couldn't.
"I pleaded with her to please not throw away her future for someone who she can't see herself having a life with," the mom concluded.
Sara broke up with her boyfriend after talking to her mom, leaving the mom feeling "very guilty."
While it's natural for a mother to feel for her daughter as she navigates through the breakup grief, ultimately, people on Reddit immediately supported what the mother did.
"Sounds like he keeps her self esteem down because he knows she can do better," one person commented. "He knows he needs her to not be educated to have a good job so he can control her, that way she is dependent on him and he can treat her anyway he wants to."
Additionally, instead of simply demanding her daughter break up with the boyfriend and go to college, the mother approached the situation with care and empathy, allowing her daughter to come to her own realization that not going to college to stay with Bryan was not in her best interest.
"You did the right thing. You're a wonderful parent," one person wrote. "At the end of the day, most men will come and go in her life, but you'll always be there."
Isaac Serna-Diez is a writer who focuses on entertainment and news, social justice, and politics.