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Mom Wonders If She’s Wrong For Allowing Daughter To Not Invite Nonverbal Autistic Classmate To Birthday Party

Photo: Halfpoint / Shutterstock
Child's birthday party

The whole, “not getting invited to the birthday” trope is a classic representation of that childhood struggle for social acceptance, right up there with “getting picked last for dodgeball,” and “not finding a seat at a lunch table.”

According to a Reddit post to r/AmITheAsshole, one mother is looking to make this trope a reality for a child.

A woman told her daughter that it was ok not to invite a nonverbal autistic child.

User u/SufficientPractice made a post to the subreddit asking other Redditors if she was right in making the decision that she made after some of her coworkers told her that she was wrong.

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The woman explained that her daughter was in the second grade and that she is going to have a birthday party at a pool with all of her classmates.

She says that she initially gave her daughter a choice of which children to invite, “Now I told my daughter she can either invite all the girls, or the entire class. I am not letting her invite specific people and single anyone out.”

It’s the right thing to do to make sure that no child feels left out and very admirable, but the woman's next decision calls this value into question…

The daughter asked if she could invite everyone in her class except for the nonverbal autistic boy.

Now, it isn’t really fair to look back at other peoples’ decisions with the gift of hindsight and say that you would have done something differently but, frankly, what the mom did next is pretty much unforgivably cruel.

From the very same mother, who wrote, “I am not letting her invite specific people and single anyone out,” comes a complete 180 when, in response to her daughter wanting to single someone out, she says, “I talked to my husband about this and we ended up deciding that she does not have to invite him.”

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Hypocrisy doesn’t really cover it and the decision did not prove popular in conversations with her coworkers, prompting the creation of the post.

The woman tried to justify her decision by saying that the boy was not in her daughter’s class for half of the day and that the boy “doesn’t really know anyone, and it might be tough for him to be at a pool party,” and that “I do not have any experience handling special needs children, and I didn’t know if he would need special assistance or even need his mom or a caretaker there the whole time.”

So, rather than make an effort or speak to the child’s parent or anything, the woman decided that he can’t come full-stop.

Commenters were not supportive of the decision.

Redditors made their disapproval clear in the comment section, declaring “YTA” (“You’re The Asshole”) for her decision.

One commenter who received several Reddit awards and 16,000 upvotes for their post wrote, “You are definitely teaching your daughter that it's okay to exclude people who are different. It's not your choice if he can handle the party or not."

"He should absolutely receive an invite and his parents/caregivers can decide if he's capable of attending.”

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Dan O'Reilly is a writer who covers news, politics, and social justice. Follow him on Twitter.