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Man Wonders If He’s Wrong For Never Telling His Parents He Had A Child & Refusing To Care For His Daughter

Photo: Shutterstock / fizkes
Frustrated parent massages temple

A frustrated man asked Reddit’s “AITA” or “Am I the A—hole” forum if he was in the wrong after being yelled at by his parents.

In Reddit’s “AITA” thread, users can disclose their problems and disagreements to get advice from a third party. Once the original poster (OP) shares their issue, other Redditors discuss and vote whether or not OP was the a—hole.

This man wanted Redditors to decide if he was the a—hole for being a “horrible dad.”

He had a child at 19, but because he wasn’t ready to be a father, he asked his ex to get an abortion—she refused.

The two decided that she would keep the baby and he’d pay child support, but he wouldn’t be involved in the child’s life. He didn’t ever tell his family about the baby.

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Then about three months ago, he had received a lot of angry messages from his parents while he was at work.

They asked him if he had a child because his ex had told them everything about her situation.

She is sick, and she wants somebody to look after her daughter because her own family refused to help.

His parents were mad at him since he didn’t tell them anything, and they believed that it was selfish of him to hide their grandchild from them as he was their only child; therefore, she would be their only grandchild.

His parents agreed to look after her daughter, and they moved her into their home.

But the man, who still lives with his parents, was clear that though he couldn’t stop them from moving her in, he didn’t want to be her dad.

His parents were okay with this, and they lived peacefully for three months before it seemed like everyone forgot about their agreement.

A few days ago, his parents left her alone with the man despite his claims of not wanting to babysit—unfortunately, no one listened to him. He claims, “as soon as they left she started coming into my bedroom with different excuses. “

Once he finally got annoyed, he told her to stay in her room and “not to come out until her grandparents come home.”

His parents were upset once they found out and called him a “horrible dad.”

Now he wants to know if he’s the a—hole even though he made it clear from the beginning that he didn’t want to be a dad.

Reddit users were conflicted.

Many Redditors were upset with the way the man treated the little girl.

Others wondered why he didn’t move out if he didn’t want to be a parent so bad.

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Some Redditors who felt that OP was NTA, “Not the a—hole.”

Many Redditors decided with OP, pointing out a gender equality imbalance.

Another Redditor, believed the man was wrong for how he treated the child but ultimately decided he wasn’t for everything else.

They even pointed out that his parents were also at fault and wondered why nobody questioned or got upset with the ex for hiding the baby for so long.

A few also voted ESH, “Everyone sucks here.”

User “stumblin_thrulif3” believed that ESH for two reasons. First, the man's ex “should have never contacted [him] from the start” after agreeing that he wouldn’t be involved. It was also unfair for the man's parents to ignore his wishes not to be a parent.

On the other hand, the man was also wrong because even if he didn’t want to be a father, he was wrong “for treating [the child] like a nuisance.”

Another Redditor agreed. They didn’t believe it was fair to force someone to be a parent, so she should’ve had a better plan. But, the man could have had a better attitude towards the little girl and should have treated her “with basic human decency.”

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Ashley Darkwa-Anto is a writer at YourTango based in New Jersey who covers News & Entertainment.

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