There Are 4 ’Office Attachment Styles’ — How To Use Yours To Get Ahead At Work & Land A Promotion, According To A CEO
Just like your relationships, your work performance is affected by your attachment style.
Krakenimages.com | Shutterstock Whether we like our job or not, our approach to our work is heavily influenced by who we are as people, even if we try to hide our true selves at the office. But what if the key is actually not hiding but leveraging our true self to our advantage?
That's what one CEO thinks is the linchpin that opens the doors to opportunity and expansion at our jobs. And when it comes to which parts of our true identities we should be leveraging, Jason Morris of SEO agency Profit Engine says it's all about the psychological concept of attachment theory.
A CEO says there are 4 'office attachment styles' that can help you get ahead and land a promotion:
Ever wonder why some colleagues seem to effortlessly float into promotions while others who are just as talented get passed over time and again? Morris says the answer may not rest in things like skillset or work ethics, but in your attachment style and how it interacts with the office.
For the uninitiated, in psychology, attachment theory refers to what sort of attachment we formed to our parents or primary caregivers, and how it affects everything from our self-esteem to our relationship style throughout our lives.
There are four main attachment styles based on whether or not your caregivers effectively met your emotional needs as a child. And with the huge focus on emotional intelligence in the workplace these days—and 75% of managers saying it's a key factor they consider when determining promotions—Morris says understanding how your attachment style manifests at work is key to both improving and leveraging that skill.
"Your attachment style affects everything from how you present ideas in meetings to how you respond to criticism,” Morris explains. “Once you understand your style, you can use it strategically to position yourself for advancement.”
1. Secure attachment: the confident collaborator
These are the people who had the true champions of parents who knew how to make their kids feel emotionally secure, whether in good times or bad. Morris says these workers tend to be equally comfortable with both independence and teamwork, are great communicators, handle feedback well, and don't take criticism personally.
Morris says if this is your attachment style, lean into your natural ability to build relationships by scheduling regular check-ins with your boss to discuss goals, and do not be shy in advocating for yourself. "Your communication style makes it easy for managers to say yes," Morris says.
2. Anxious attachment: the eager perfectionist
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Anxious attachment usually arises from inconsistent caregiving during childhood that often leads to a deep fear of abandonment. How does that manifest at work? "Anxious employees crave validation and often over-prepare to avoid criticism," Morris explains.
Overcommunication, a need for constant reassurance, and a sensitivity to feedback are common characteristics of this style at work. They are also usually incredibly hard workers, but it works against them because, as Morris puts it, "their need for approval can make them seem less confident than they actually are.
Morris says to focus on "visible wins" and documenting your achievements both to bolster your own confidence and compile evidence you can share with your manager. He also suggests using your tendency to overprepare to make you into the person in the office who sees problems before they happen. "This positions you as proactive rather than anxious, turning a potential weakness into promotion material," he says.
3. Avoidant attachment: the independent operator
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These are people whose parents were emotionally unresponsive or unavailable, which leaves them distrustful and uncomfortable with affection as adults. In short, they tend to have hyperindividualistic or even loner-like tendencies.
So at work, they often value autonomy above all else and maintain emotional distance from colleagues. And while there's value there, it can often come off as aloofness to others, and that can be a challenge.
"Avoidant workers are often excellent at deep focus work, but they can struggle with the relationship-building that's necessary for promotions,” Morris explains. “Managers might see them as capable but not leadership material."
"Managers appreciate employees who don't need hand-holding," Morris goes on to say, but it's important to temper it with visibility. He suggests setting goals for yourself to participate meaningfully in team discussions twice a week, and let people see your thought processes rather than just delivering results. "This helps managers see your strategic thinking without requiring you to be overly social," Morris says.
4. Disorganized attachment: the unpredictable performer
This attachment style arises when caregivers are actually feared, usually due to some form of abuse. This typically means that as an adult, the person swings back and forth between seeking out and withdrawing from connection.
At work, they might be highly engaged one week and distant the next, and they sometimes react intensely to minor setbacks. This can be confusing to managers who struggle to read their communication needs or patterns. The basis of disorganized attachment is, at heart, trust having been broken. So, Morris says, "these employees want to connect but fear vulnerability, which creates an unpredictable pattern that can hurt their professional reputation."
This is a tough one. You've been through a lot if you have this style, and Morris suggests that with respect to work, you start by tracking what triggers your reactions. "Once you identify patterns, you can develop coping strategies," Morris says, and build from there.
Finding a mentor who can provide objective feedback and help you navigate the emotional aspects of work before they become apparent to colleagues and managers can help keep them from impacting people's perceptions of you and help you seem more consistent.
The bottom line? "Understanding your attachment style means working with your natural tendencies instead of against them," Morris says. "Emotional intelligence is trainable, and knowing your attachment style is the first step."
John Sundholm is a writer, editor, and video personality with 20 years of experience in media and entertainment. He covers culture, mental health, and human interest topics.
