Worker Gets Email From Her Boss Scolding Her For Taking Bathroom Breaks 'Above The Team Average'
If you're spending this much time micromanaging bathroom breaks, are you even getting work done?
FluxFactory | Getty Images Signature Most of us have had the distinct displeasure of working for a micromanager at one point or another, but even at their worst, our bosses were probably never standing outside the staff washroom with a stopwatch and a notepad.
A woman on Reddit is not so lucky. Her boss is so controlling about time management and scheduling that she actually keeps track of every last second of her employees' day — yes, right down to the time they are spending on the john.
The worker was scolded by her boss for the 'above average' length of her bathroom breaks.
I once worked for a man who required that every single email, by which I mean literally and sincerely every single email, that went out from our office be proofread and edited by him personally before we could hit send. Yes, even if it was just a simple "yes" or "no," and even if he was, say, on an international flight and unavailable to proofread urgent client emails for an entire day. (He's since gone out of business, if you're wondering.)
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Now that's clearly not normal(and I have the psychological scars to prove it), but compared to this woman's boss, mine was disarmingly normal. She's got a great job with great pay and everything, but with one huge problem: "my manager is absolutely psychotic about 'time management.'" And when she says psychotic? She means psychotic. And frankly, probably grounds for a lawsuit.
Her boss keeps a spreadsheet to track everyone's time in the bathroom.
"This week she started keeping a literal spreadsheet of everyone's bathroom breaks," the woman wrote in her Reddit post. "Not even joking." The manager literally times how long they're away from their desks and then emails them about it later.
Those emails include notifications about "exceeding average bathroom time." Please read that again to make sure you're grasping how insane this is: This boss is not only keeping a pee-break spreadsheet, but they are sitting there with a calculator doing AVERAGES on everyone's pee break duration and frequency.
Anyway, the worker recently received notification that she "took 3 bathroom breaks totaling 17 minutes," which — uh oh! — is five minutes longer than "the team average" of 12 minutes, and that she needs to be "mindful of productivity metrics."
Don't worry, though, it gets more insane! "When I confronted her about it, she had the audacity to suggest I 'schedule' my bathroom needs during my lunch break to maximize my working hours," the woman wrote. Ma'am, that is not how the human body works. Are you new here?! Are you one of those alien hybrids that doesn't know basic things about being human? What is going on?!
Micromanagement like this should be grounds for being fired.
Here's the thing, Ms. "Productivity Metrics": I would love to know how you're getting any work done whatsoever, given how up-to-date you are on the comings and goings of your staff's bladders and bowels.
It is absolutely inconceivable that someone would have the audacity to scold someone for spending too much time in the bathroom when the entire basis on which she's able to pass that judgment is that she is sitting at her desk, literally compiling spreadsheets about pee breaks.
Why this kind of behavior is tolerated is absolutely bizarre, but everyone's boss has a boss. It might not be a bad idea to speak to someone above this woman about the way she is managing her team.
Not only is this inefficient, but it is also bizarrely and uncomfortably intrusive in a way that suggests a lawsuit. There are so many ways this could go sideways, from potential harassment claims to potential violations of the Americans with Disabilities Act, depending on people's medical circumstances.
In this worker's case, she has IBS, an actual diagnosed medical condition that not only affects her bathroom habits but requires her to take care of them in a reasonable manner. That means she can't "schedule" them during lunch breaks for heaven's sake. Even the worst boss or most inept HR person on Earth is unlikely to let this slide once alerted to such abhorrent behavior. Time to be a tattle tale so you can pee in peece — er, peace.
John Sundholm is a writer, editor, and video personality with 20 years of experience in media and entertainment. He covers culture, mental health, and human interest topics.
