20 Hilariously Honest 'Parenting Tips' & Funny Advice For New Parents

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infant yawning

Becoming a new parent can feel a bit daunting at times. It can be intimidating to realize you are solely responsible for taking care of another human being. 

There is a plethora of parenting guidebooks and wise advice out on the internet, but it's always important to get information straight from the source — which in this case is real parents. 

There are many parents out on the internet who have interesting and, better yet, funny advice for new parents (or parents who are simply looking for hilariously honest parenting tips). 

Of course, it is important to note that parenthood means seeking help when you genuinely need it.

"Remember pregnancy is the time in which both babies and moms learn to prepare for a new life. Trust the process and your instincts and do not be afraid to ask for help," says Keya Murthy, a Spiritual Life Coach and Parenting Expert. "Remember that both you and your child are learning something new, so patience is a must." 

20 Hilariously Honest 'Parenting Tips' & Funny Advice For New Parents

RELATED: 10 Parenting Tips For Raising Unspoiled, Thankful Kids

1. Write everything down.

"My mom told me if she had one piece of advice for new parents it would be to write down all the funny things their kids do/say !!!"

2. Be careful about what you're doing while putting the baby to bed.

"My advice to new parents never ever ever watch, read, or look at something funny while you are holding/near a sleeping baby. Now excuse me while I try and put my children back down for nap after I woke them laughing my ass off."

3. Get used to poop.

"There will come a day when you get pooped on. Just know that it is going to happen and there's nothing you can do about it," says Reddit user krakatak.

"You are gonna get poop on you. It's no big deal. Just wipe it on your pants and move on, clean 'em later. If it's too much poop, just get everyone in the shower because you're gonna end up there anyway," says Reddit user Aegon342.

4. Give your kids responsibility early on.

"Parenting tip: Take kids to pumpkin patch. Let them pick out any pumpkin. but make them carry it to the car. They'll never want to go again."

5. Time your meals accordingly.

"Pro parenting tip: only have spaghetti on bath nights."

6. Brace yourself for the moment your child learns a new trick.

"Beware a child who has learned a joke or a magic trick."

7. Avoid travel teams.

"funny sports parenting tip from a reader: 'Avoid travel teams unless your child is a once-in-a-generation talent...and your child is not a once-in-a-generation talent.'"

8. Be careful what you encourage.

"Parenting pro tip: the FIRST time your toddler sneezes in your face, even if it is SUPER funny when it happens, DO NOT LAUGH. You will be sentencing yourself to years of purposeful in-your-face sneezes. Thank you for your time."

9. Keep a night bag packed just in case.

"2 am hospital trips. That’s the Parenting life."

10. Know your left from your right.

"For having a 50% chance, my youngest kid gets her shoes on the wrong feet 100% of the time."

RELATED: Why Distracted Parenting Has Become The Hardest Part Of Being A Working Mom

11. Sometimes messing with your child is the best kind of serotonin.

"Unsolicited parenting advice that wins every time: when my kids come to tattle on one of their siblings, I make them whisper the complaint into their hands. And for unknown reasons, they do it every time. And it is always funny."

12. It's not always beneficial to support every one of your child's dreams.

"I want support my children and encourage them to follow their dreams, but right now my 3yo's dream seems to be to open every cupboard door in IKEA."

13. Sometimes teaching your children to swear early on can be extremely beneficial, and also hilarious.

"my one bit of parenting advice is to teach your kids when it’s 'appropriate' to swear early on because it neutralizes the draw of doing it for shock value but also, it’s very funny to hear a 4yo casually remark 'ah dammit, i forgot my sunglasses.'"

14. Not everyone is going to want to clean up.

"Being a parent is just basically walking around the house saying, "Clean up this mess!" until everyone is crying."

15. Say goodbye to privacy.

"Me: [in bathroom]

7yo: [knocks] MOMMY?

Me: Yeah pal

7: IT'S ME

Me: I know


Me: Knew that too"

16. Give up trying to logic.

"My son was crying and asked, 'why doesn't the dog have to wear pants?' And it's like, I don't even know. So now I'm putting pants on a dog."

17. Shopping in bulk will save you in every instance possible.

"Being a parent apparently means buying stuff in bulk."

18. It's the melody that matters, not the words.

"As long as you sing to the tune of 'You Are my Sunshine,' you can literally say anything you want to a baby. I just vented all my frustrations and she still fell asleep. Best therapy ever."

19. Being a parent means around-the-clock attention.

"I am officially announcing my retirement from parenting, I'm tired of having the tough conversations. Unfortunately my retirement will end about 7am tomorrow."

20. Don't be scared to bite back.

"if your child is biting you in their terrible twos, bite them back. they will stop."

RELATED: What It Really Means To Be A Millennial Parent — And How It Takes Raising Kids To A Whole New Level 

Nia Tipton is a writer living in Brooklyn. She covers pop culture, social justice issues, and trending topics. Follow her on Instagram.