9 Subtle Signs That Your Mother Is Jealous Of You
What's driving her behavior?
Nomad_Soul / Shutterstock Be wary that while you can't fix people, you can create boundaries that protect you from them. If you're noticing these signs that your mother is jealous of you, they're probably interfering with your well-being.
The main reason why your mother would be jealous of you is because she's deeply insecure.
Nobody likes everything about themselves. Even people who radiate confidence have most likely struggled with self-esteem issues at some point in life.
Loving yourself and living your best life is a lifetime journey. But is your mother along for the ride?
Chances are if she’s jealous of you, she’s deeply insecure. It’s only human to be hard on yourself, but it can be hurtful when she takes that insecurity out on you.
Here are the signs that your mother is jealous of you.
1. She criticizes you.
Pretty sure that finding fault with your appearance, personality, lifestyle, you name it, is not the ultimate go-to motherhood tip.
You don’t have to read a parenting book from front to back to understand that being rude to your child isn’t the best idea.
If your mother feels the need to focus on your weaknesses, it could be intimidated by your strengths.
2. She's sad when you're happy.
Ideally, your mother would not find pleasure in your pain. Or pain in your pleasure.
Unfortunately, that is the world that we live in — well, some more than others.
Let’s say you won the spelling bee or got a huge promotion at work. How does she react?
If she doesn’t want to celebrate your success, it could be because to her, your success is her personal failure.
3. She's happy when you're sad.
Put it in reverse. Even worse than being sad when you’re happy is being happy when you’re sad.
Clinical Hypnotherapist, Relationship Coach, and Expert Keya Murthy says, "The worst version of a toxic mother-daughter relationship is when she does whatever she can to destroy your relationships no matter what nature they are and with whom they are."
Do you feel like your mother is only able to be around you if you carry a broken heart?
4. She downplays your success.
Ding dong! The wicked witch is — drumroll please — downplaying your achievements once again.
Simply put, mothers who are not jealous of their daughters are able to cheer their kids on.
If she can’t admit that you are amazing and stunning, it could be because she feels threatened by you.
5. She body shames you.
Red flag alert. Anyone in their right mind would not go out of their way to make you feel bad about your body.
The healthiest mother-daughter relationships should be built on a foundation of trust and love.
6. She tells you that you're wrong.
A good parent will not tell their child that they're always right.
Of course, it's your mother's job to raise you. But sometimes, it's a mother's job to listen.
7. She's a control freak.
For a control freak, jealous thoughts are a part of their daily routine.
Wake up. Drink Coffee. Be jealous. You know the drill.
Jealousy is human, but a control freak redefines the concept and takes it to a whole new level.
Sometimes, your mother’s controlling tendencies can come from a place of envy.
8. She compares you to her.
If your mother feels threatened by your beauty, grace, and smarts — who wouldn't — her only way to cope with that might be lashing out through constant comparison.
What a drag and terrible coping mechanism. Oh well, that's life.
Does she feel the need to casually bring up the fact that she's smarter, prettier, and wiser?
If someone genuinely felt that they were smarter than you, they'd be smart enough to not bring it up.
9. Bragging is in her nature.
Bragging is a sign of weakness, not strength.
If your mother keeps bragging to you, it's because she's insecure.
It's okay to brag every once in a while, but not if it's a tactic to put someone down.
What to do if you think your mom is jealous of you:
1. Have an open and honest discussion.
Probably not a good idea if your mother is emotionally or verbally abusive.
But if you and your mother have a great relationship — save for the jealousy — being candid might not be a bad idea.
Some mothers dislike their daughters because of family tensions or traumatic events, so a heart-to-heart is not always the best choice.
2. Create distance
Of course, this is easier said than done. Especially if you and your mother live under the same roof.
Having an open and honest discussion with your mother is not always a viable option.
If you don't live with your mom, avoid visiting frequently. See how it makes you feel.
If you do, however, it's wise to spend time with friends and engage in activities outside of your house.
A little bit of space never did anyone any harm.
3. Consult a therapist.
When in doubt, trust the experts. You might need a professional to guide you through combatting jealousy in your own home.
It will also give you a place to process all of those nasty emotions that you've been needing to for a while.
It is possible for a mother to even hate her daughter, so don't judge someone for needing to take space away from their mother.
Izzy Casey is a writer who covers pop culture, entertainment, and news at YourTango. She received an MFA in Creative Writing from the Iowa Writers' Workshop and her writing has been published in Gulf Coast: A Journal of Literature and Fine Arts, The Columbia Review, Bennington Review, Black Warrior Review, New York Tyrant, The Iowa Review, and elsewhere.