I Used To Be That Girl Until You Came Into My Life

You drained the rainbow out of my soul, and it’s going to take a lot of work to get it back.

woman's silhouette at sunset Piotr Piatrouski / Shutterstock
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By Brittany Christopoulos

I was the girl who had a heart full of love; I thrived on that emotion. But for a while I gave up on that, because of you.

I was the girl who had a body full of energy, but you sucked every ounce of energy I had left out of my system.

I gave my everything to you and you exhausted me.

I’m not a quitter but I certainly felt I couldn’t continue any longer because it wasn’t worth it anymore.

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I couldn’t go on no matter how hard I tried. My bed is my safe place and that’s where I will stay.

I was the girl who had a mind full of imagination, but you took my thoughts away. I gave you all my mind, then I lost mine.

I could no longer be the dreamer I once was because of you.

And I hate that you went so far but to damage my creativity and my dreams. Because for the longest time you were the biggest dream I had and the inspiration for some of my creativity.

I was the girl who was as boisterous as a song and as loud as a concert, but you silenced me. You literally made me silent and speechless, a task even I thought would never happen to myself.

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I learned to refrain from speaking because I guess I was only meant to look at and not speak to, or that my opinion didn’t matter.

I lost my voice I was once so proud to have.

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I was the girl who loved who she saw when she looked at her reflection in the mirror, but because of you I learned to hate the image I saw back at me. Not because I felt ugly, I just never felt good enough.

My self-esteem was damaged by your actions, not your words. The confidence I seemed to have radiated soon turned dull, and you could see that I had no desire to change it because it wasn’t going to ever bring you back or change your mind.

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I was the girl whose eyes were as full of color and excitement than her personality, but because of you, those colors quickly faded. I became dull and boring.

I had no reason to be excited anymore and I quickly found myself in a pit of depression who didn’t have the willpower to pull herself out of it.

You drained the rainbow out of my soul, and it’s going to take a lot of work to get it back.

I used to be this girl, but she's long gone because of you.

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Will I ever be her again? Probably, but I won’t exactly be the same.

I’ll still have a heart full of love, I’ll still be as energized as I can be without exhausting myself but know when I need to take a break, I’ll still be as creative and inspired as ever without you being my reasoning, and my eyes will regain the color of my personality, but brighter.

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You may have broken me and made me hate who I was because I simply didn’t feel good enough. But you have created a stronger woman who feels no shame, hides no fear, and is confident and proud in herself.

I’m unapologetic and have embraced who I am with love.

You can destroy me all you want, but it’s only going to cause me to rebuild myself to be even more indestructible.

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And I love who I’ve become because of you.

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Brittany Christopoulos is a writer, journalist and fill-in TV co-host. She's a Senior Writer and Head of Trending News for Unwritten. Follow her on Twitter.