I Came Out As Bisexual At An All-Girls School — And It Was Nothing Like The Movies

I've always been used to "different." As a kid growing up in Los Angeles, I learned quickly that people are weird — and to be clear, 'weird' is not a bad thing.

In LA, the standard corner bakery is gluten-free and vegan and people carry around sage and rose quartz like they're normal everyday possessions. Even my Midwestern-born dad eventually got used to paying eight dollars for a smoothie because it's supposed to realign his chakras.

Los Angeles is the manic pixie dream girl of American cities: she’s quirky and pretty and does nothing for the plot — oh, and she’ll mess up your life.

Given that LA is fairly progressive, I figured most polite society would have gotten over homophobia by 2021. Alas, that was not the case — and I learned that pretty quickly when I came out as bisexual in middle school.

I went to an elite all-girls school in LA from 2014-2020. Every day I put on a polo shirt and khaki skirt, eventually graduating to a black skirt once I got to high school. (Inevitably, I was told my skirt was "scandalously" short — at an all-girls school where the only men are teachers — but that's another story.)

So, I wore pants, and girls at my school called me "gay" — just for wearing pants. I mean they weren't wrong, but since when was being gay a bad thing?

I came out as bisexual at 13 years old. There wasn't a huge revelation or proclamation like most coming-out movies depict. It wasn't a huge deal to me. However, the fallout from a simple fact — I'm Kat and I'm bisexual — was met with outrage, aggression, and passive-aggressive homophobia from my school.

In eighth-grade English class, I decided to write about being bisexual for a vignette project that we would eventually share out loud with the rest of the class.

When I handed my teacher the rough draft of my vignette she said, "Honey, maybe you should write about something else."

I was confused. From what I understood, the assignment was to be open and honest about a life experience — and that's what I did.

"Why should I write about something else?" I asked the teacher.

To which she responded, "I think this would be a little abrasive for the other girls in your class."

Apparently, my sexuality was too "harsh" for the other girls in my class, and sharing a critical aspect of my identity meant I was "showing little concern for the feelings of others."

The entire awkward exchange with my English teacher felt like a big "stop being gay at school" sign.

From then on, I didn't talk about my sexuality in class — ever. I came out to a few friends at school but disappointingly received various bi-phobic responses.

The first girl I told responded with, "I hope you don't have a crush on me." (A not-so-great way to respond to someone pouring out their biggest secret to you.)

The second girl I told said, "Now that I know you're bisexual, I don't think we can be friends." (Straight up homophobia.)

I tried to explain to her that nothing about me had changed; I was still Kat. She didn't get it, though. Instead, she went to all our friends and told them all I was bisexual — definitely not the coming out I wanted. It was devastating.

The rest of my class saw me as supporting the notion that all girls who go to all-girls schools are lesbians and distanced themselves from me. It really hurt.

I also experienced homophobia at home from my own parents. When I came out to my mom and her boyfriend, they were super-supportive. They told me they only wanted me to be happy and comfortable in my skin, which finally made me feel supported.

I Came Out As Bisexual At An All-Girls School — And It Was Nothing Like The Movies

My experience wasn't anything like Love, Simon.

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