Why Not All Of Your Friendships Deserve A Second Chance

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Why Giving A Friend A Second Chance Isn't Always A Healthy Choice

By Emma Spear

When we think back to all the friendships and relationships that we’ve had, we often secretly wish we could give that certain one another shot.

It could be someone you drifted apart from or something with whom you had a big disagreement. Either way, it’s difficult to get away from that nagging feeling.

It’s normal to want to justify past relationships, especially when they’re with someone we were once close to. Everyone makes mistakes.

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And while most things can be easily forgiven, some can’t. You either have to work through them or decide to go your separate ways.

It’s heartbreaking, I know. You have so much love for this person, and letting them go wasn’t easy. In fact, it tore you into pieces.

But remember, the decision that you made was one that you had to make in order to save your well-being.

Deep down, you knew that you couldn’t keep this person in your life, since all they did was hurt you.

It was time to stop pretending that everything was fine. You knew that it wasn’t.

Finally, you’re starting to pull yourself back together. At times, it hurts to not have them in your life anymore, but you know that you’re better off without them. You start understanding that it was never meant to be.

Then, you suddenly run into them, or they pop back up into your life somehow. 

Perhaps they tried to reach out to you and you ended up having a conversation. Or, maybe they realized their mistake and how wrong they were, and want to prove to you that they’ve changed for the better.

For a split second, you consider letting them back in. After all, when you think about it, you have so many good memories together.

You also know that people make mistakes, so maybe you shouldn’t hold that grudge anymore. Maybe you both just need a fresh start.

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But then again, in your gut, you’re not so sure. While they claim they’ve changed, how can they guarantee you that?

They say that they love and miss you and that they want you back. However, it’s not about them — it’s about you.

So you have to ask yourself: Do you want them back in your life? Are you willing to take the chance and possibly go through all that pain again? Remember, there is a reason why they left your life in the first place.

All the relationships that we have in our lives happen for a reason. They teach us lessons that we were not expecting to have. Some individuals are in our lives for a moment, while others remain for a small part of our journey.

Nevertheless, all these experiences shape us into who we are meant to be. Without those failed relationships, there are parts of ourselves that we would never discover. 

So, always remember to do what is best for you. And if you’re struggling, think about it: This person left your life, and even though you thought that it would break you, you survived.

You came out as a stronger person because of it. And you also learned how to live without them, even when it felt impossible.

So, maybe this person is reaching out because they realized that they were wrong — and that’s great. You should be happy that they’ve become a better person.

But that doesn’t mean that you should be the person that they prove their change to.

Because even if you do let them back in, you know there will be a small part of you that doesn’t trust them.

The bond that you once had with them will never be the same. Certain people might feel that they deserve a second chance from you, but that doesn’t mean that you are obliged to give them one.

In this equation, you are the most important variable. You need to take care of yourself first and do what is best for you. You made it this far without them, and I promise you that you’ll continue to do even better without them. 

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Emma Spear is a writer who focuses on friendship, relationships, and self-care. For more of her friendship content, visit her author profile on Unwritten.

This article was originally published at Unwritten. Reprinted with permission from the author.