Photo: Mike Palmowski via Unsplash
It's not you, it's them.
By Unwritten — Written on Mar 31, 2020
By Brittany Christopoulos
There’s a fine, blurred line between how someone treats you when they want to sleep with you, compared to when they want a real relationship with you. Because of this, it’s hard to determine someone’s true intentions — especially when their actions and words don’t match up.
They play on your emotions heavily and will try to convince you that you’re being unreasonable, even when you aren’t.
Somehow, they’ll always make it seem like it’s your fault when they act a certain way. And heaven forbid you take their cues as wanting a relationship when he never said he just wanted a hookup.
Unrealistic rules are made for you to follow. And if you slip up or don’t know it was one of their “rules,” you get penalized for it.
You can kiss them behind closed doors, but never in public or while hanging out with friends.
You can cuddle all you want at home, but when you’re walking together, you may never hold hands with them.
This is a major sign that people often mistake for shyness. It’s actually a rule they set, so they can still appear available to others.
Sometimes, you’ll notice that they overplay their previous relationships and past trauma. They’ll always find a way to use their “baggage” as a way to treat you like crap or as a way out of not committing to a relationship.
Past experiences are never an excuse to treat you poorly. They’ll often remind you that they don’t believe in labels as a result of a “bad” relationship.
If I’ve heard, “I’m not in the right state of mind to date right now” once, I’ve heard it a dozen of times. Yet, when you’re done with them, they’ll find a new girlfriend who actually earns the title shortly after.
They’ll just treat you like a princess in person or when they’re trying to convince you to hang out (presumably so you can bang).
But aside from when they are free to hang out, they don’t give you attention. They’ll ignore your texts, claim they’re too busy and make promises they’ll soon forget about. They will never treat you and respect you like the queen you are.
In fact, sometimes they’ll forget who they’re talking to. They’ll dismiss any talk about anything personal between you two and, instead, will talk about other girls and past triumphs they’ve had.
It’s like they view you as one of the boys and have no regard for your feelings. That is a huge indicator that they don’t really care about your feelings after all.
What’s most confusing is that they’ll never straight up say they want to date you, but they’ll lead you to believe they do.
From their actions that indicate a partnership to the kind words they speak to you, they’ll make you believe they want a relationship. And if you mention it, they’ll play it off and be super coy about the subject.
After all is said and done, they’ll make you believe you stand a real chance and that they’ve been searching for you their whole life.
And no matter how much convincing they’ll do, they still won’t mean a word they say. They’ll do it with minimal guilt, because they feel they’ve made their intentions clear by stating they don’t want a relationship.
It’s a lie they tell themselves, as they continue to fill your head with compliments and lies. No matter how harmless they feel they’ve been, they’ll never know how much they hurt women like us.
And through the heartache, tears, and emotional trauma they’ve caused, you’ll still never let him see the damage he’s done. And you should never have to go through that again.
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Brittany Christopoulos is a writer who focuses on relationships, dating, and love. For more of her relationship content, visit her Twitter page.
This article was originally published at Unwritten. Reprinted with permission from the author.