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Bad breakups are tough, but following these tips will help you overcome them.
By I Heart Intelligence — Written on Feb 07, 2019
By Maria Hakki
We’ve all been through a breakup at least once in our lives and we are all aware of how hard it is to get over it. And no matter that we all know it’s for the better and the best is yet to come, a sad ending of a relationship is always unpleasant and takes time to overcome the emotional pain.
However, there might be some things that could make it easier for you to go through this tough period in your life experts claim.
Here are 6 very wise things to do to get over a breakup and relieve the emotional pain it brings.
1. Avoid contact with them.
Out of sight, out of mind is a saying that holds a lot of truth because it’s always better to stay away from a person who’s betrayed you and has broken your heart.
And that doesn’t mean only to avoid face to face contact with them. You can block, unfollow, or at least delete them from your social media profiles too. This way you will protect yourself from any unwanted spying on your personal life, and you won’t get upset by having to look at your ex every day.
“You need time and space to heal,” says Samantha Burns, a love and dating coach from Boston for Cosmopolitan, “and seeing him pop up in your Instagram stories, and Facebook feed can be triggering and send you into a spiral of obsessively stalking him on social media, wondering how he can be moving on, or even looking for the new woman in his life.”
2. Don't stay friends.
Even if you think that keeping in touch with your ex is the better option, don’t rush into becoming friend with them no matter if you and they think it’s the right thing to do. After all, it takes some time to get over the breakup. That’s why being in constant friendly contact with them might make you feel worse.
On top of that, usually either you or the other person wants to be more than just friends. So you need to be sure that you’ve both overcome your past before it you can build a healthy friendship … if it this is possible at all.
Remember not staying friends with someone who ‘ve hurt you is okay and it doesn’t mean you are weak.
3. Ask help from your friends.
After a breakup, it’s very important to accept help and support from your friends, family and all your close people. That is one of the most efficient ways to ease the pain when you’re heartbroken: so don’t be shy to open up, cry on the shoulder of your friends, and allow them to help you go through the tough time of the split-up.
“Let your inner circle (or whole gang) know you broke up, and let them grieve with you, and have doubts with you, and also cheer you [up] when the moment arrives,” Caleb Backe says. He is is a health and wellness expert at Maple Holistics, and shared his opinion to Bustle. “Breaking up causes all kinds of pains and insecurities, and having someone who loves you by your side can be a real blessing.”
4. Make sure your breakup talks are productive.
Burns told Cosmopolitan, “You can ask your besties to share the ways in which they didn’t think you were your best self in the relationship, which is not the same as unproductive ex-bashing. Sometimes hearing an objective perspective can help you grasp how the relationship wasn’t serving you and can shed some light on how you may have given away your power or not valued yourself in the relationship.”
The important thing here is to remember that you need to move forward in life and not to stay stuck in the past. So, hearing the opinion of someone out of the relationship might make it much easier to understand why things between you and your ex haven’t worked out.
5. Stay positive.
After a breakup, it’s normal to be sad and pessimistic because of the bitter ending of your relationship. However, if you feel down for too long, you risk getting depressed which could have serious consequences for your allover wellbeing. That’s why no matter how difficult it might seem you should try to stay positive and distract yourself with hobbies and occupations that make you happy.
Here is a good solution by Dan Elias, founder of Motivate, a mental health app that curates motivational videos:
“When do we usually start thinking about ‘that’ person? In the morning,” he said to Bustle. “If the heartbreak is intense, your thoughts may flow there within minutes of opening your eyes. These thoughts will carry over into your day, night, and then the loop repeats for another day. However, priming your mind with motivational videos about your specific issue can help you gain perspective, every morning.”
6. Work out.
As mentioned above to stay positive you need to distract yourself with something else. So you could try doing some physical exercise, or take up a sport. This could have an unbelievably good effect both on your body and mind.
“[After a breakup], I would recommend exercise, even if it’s just light walking since exercise releases endorphins and can have other positive effects on mood,” Julie Williamson, a licensed professional counselor who specializes in helping singles establish healthy dating relationships, explains to Bustle.
Last but not least we should never forget that letting go of the wrong person is the only way to find the right one. So, even if it seems hard to beleive it the pain you are going through now is a path that could lead you to an ever ending happiness with someone who’s the right match for you.
Maria Hakki is a writer for I Heart Intelligence.
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This article was originally published at I Heart Intelligence. Reprinted with permission from the author.