It's never easy.
By Beth El Fattal — Written on Feb 15, 2019
So, you've just broken up with someone or been broken up with.
Maybe you're hurt, or angry. Broken promises, lies, and heartbreak weren't on your list of things to deal with today but here you are. Or maybe you're relieved. He always did have those clammy hands, he never paid for dinner, and he just wasn't as funny as he thought he was.
Maybe it was your call, or maybe not. But the fact is, you're not sure where to go from here. You've been in a relationship for so long and now that it's ended, you feel lost. Now what?
Everyone processes a breakup differently. It's totally naturally to just want to climb in a hole with a box of chocolate and cry yourself to sleep. You have to give yourself time to process the breakup and allow yourself to heal. But you also need to pull yourself together and move past this bump in the road so you can get back to your happy and best self.
Here are five healthy things to do after a breakup that will not only help you move on, but help you heal as well.
1. Box it up.
And I'm not talking about your emotions. Get a box and put all the momentos of your relationship in it. Pictures, gifts, hoodies, whatever you have, box it up. Don't destroy anything, or throw it away. Just don't, trust me. Put it in a box, close it up carefully and tuck it away in the back of your closet. Having those reminders littered around your room can be a painful reminder of what you're trying to move past, and that kind of self-punishment isn't healthy.
2. Spend more time with friends.
Call up a friend, or two, or 10. Make plans for right now and for something a few days from now. Whatever you decide to do with them, whather it be lunch, coffee, drinks, or movie night, is necessary. This is one of the times in your life where having people by your side matters.
It can be hard to ask for help, but even just spending time with the people you care about can make you feel much less isolated. Plus, heart to hearts with your best friends, a little wine, and chocolate cake is bound to make anyone feel a little better.
3. Invest time in something that makes you happy.
Dating takes up a lot of time and one thing that always bothers me when I experience a breakup is the amount of free time that is suddenly hard to fill. Pick up hobbies to fill that space. Journaling, knitting, painting, kayaking, Zumba — whatever you enjoy.
If you're not much of a hobby person, you could find yourself volunteering, working out, learning to cook, or finally starting that blog you've been wanting to start but were always too busy to sit down and actually create. Seriously! It makes a difference. Not only will you be doing something that you enjoy, but you'll be productive while doing it.
4. Write yourself a letter.
Pick up some of your favorite comfort food, a warm cup of hot chocolate, and a cozy blanket. Get comfortable and then take some time to journal or write a letter, addressed to yourself (or your ex). Just get your feelings down on paper and off of your chest. Roast them, cry for a while, and listen to some music that matches your mood.
If you don't feel comfortable doing so, another great thing to write about is your own personal goals. You have the time to focus on yourself now. What do you want to accomplish? What makes you happy?
5. Realize that not every healing process is the same.
I can sit here and rattle off all the steps I take to heal, but ultimately your experience is different than mine. Maybe it takes me months to heal, and you feel okay after a week or two. Maybe a night out on the town with my friends helps me feel right, but you find peace going for a solo run with the sunrise cheering you on. Just remember that this is a process and not an immediate solution. Take your time and work through it!
Remember, this is just a piece of your story and not the whole thing. So, hold your head high, find your happy place, and keep building the life you deserve. You can do this.
Beth El Fattal is a writer who covers astrology, pop culture and relationship topics.
