5 Cheating Wives Explain Why Women Cheat On Their Husbands

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cheating wife

By Lizzy Francis

People cheat on each other. This much is true.

Whether it’s through long, drawn-out emotional affairs or drunken aberrations not to be repeated, the most recent statistics on cheating available from the Institute for Family Studies suggest that 20% of men and 13% of women have cheated on their spouse while married.

While those numbers aren’t wildly scientific — people typically don't love to admit that they’ve betrayed their partner or spouse, so reliable statistics on cheating are notoriously difficult to come by — they do suggest, at the very least, that cheating is not exactly uncommon.

The reasons why people cheat are varied: some people are bored, others are trying to escape emotional abuse, and still others are fall into an affair without fully realizing it as it's happening.

But the reasons also share some similarities: spouses who are looking for something different.

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We talked to five cheating wives who went ;looking for something different themselves to find out what they say are the reasons why women cheat.

*Note that names have been changed to protect individuals' privacy.

Five Real Stories From Cheating Wives That Explain Why They Cheated

1. “My husband was like my roommate.”

The first affair partner I ever had, it wasn’t intentional. I was not searching to have an affair. That was not my intention at all. It just kind of happened, spontaneously.

He was living in another country at the time, we had never met face to face. It was just like, a cyber friendship that turned into something that was a lot more. We eventually made plans to meet each other after eight months.

I still keep in contact with him. I still text him almost every day.

My husband remains a good friend, but it’s essentially like living with a roommate. It’s not really a marriage anymore. So, that’s really what I’m seeking with other affair partners. Just a physical relationship.

I’ve considered getting a divorce. It’s just a long process. My home life isn’t bad. It’s not like a combative or argumentative relationship with my husband. It’s just not intimate anymore. — Anna*, 36, Illinois

2. “My husband was in deep denial for two years and became emotionally abusive.”

I never intended to cheat on my husband. But things happen. We are parents to three, one who has autism and ADHD. My husband was in deep denial for two years and became emotionally abusive. I didn’t feel guilty at all about having the affair because it saved me.

It ended when my affair partner died by suicide. I was completely shattered. My husband found out by going through my phone not long after things began in 2013.

He didn’t know everything until I was in therapy following his death and my therapist recommended that I tell my husband everything to help both of us move on. It was a hard discussion.

I was a week from filing for a divorce when he'd died. He wasn’t a reason for the divorce. I had plenty of other reasons. But I stopped the proceedings, went into therapy, and decided to stay in the marriage and give it a chance.

Three years later, things are okay. My husband trusts me again. We worked through a lot. — Wanda*, 50, Kentucky.

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3. “He became so controlling.”

After we got married, he became so controlling and jealous. I put up with it. I wasn’t fooling around — he just didn’t want me to talk to any men or even go out to lunch with girlfriends. Our marriage was really falling apart.

Then I fell in love with a guy I was working with, about eight years into the marriage. The affair made me feel more loved and more confident. I didn’t feel good about it at the time, but in retrospect, I don’t have any regrets.

I never dated the man I had the affair with after the marriage ended. My ex-husband asked me after the divorce if I had an affair and I said yes, but I didn’t tell him who with.

I’m single now and I’m fine with that. I’m happy to be out of the marriage. I don’t think I would have done anything differently. Maybe I would have ended my marriage sooner. But I was concerned about my children.— Tegan*, 48, Nevada

4. “My husband was pulling away and dumping all of the problems on me.”

I was just looking in the mirror and realizing I was getting older and older every day. I had settled into a routine.

At the time, my husband was having some difficulties with work and mental illness. He was pulling away and dumping all the problems on me. It got to the point where I felt I could handle everything: the bills, the investment accounts. I could handle all that. I’m well-educated and I have a college degree.

He didn’t want to get help. I just looked at him one day and thought, he doesn’t get to have my entire life.

I thought there had to be someone out there who could have a conversation with me, who found me attractive, who was missing what I was. I started going on dates.

My husband and I got a divorce. We could not solve our problems. I talked to him, before, about an open marriage. But he wasn’t okay with that, so we got a divorce.

I’m fine with what happened. I don’t have any regrets — at least not about that part.— Tami*, 61, California

5. “My husband got sick and became a different person.”

My husband has Alzheimer’s. He became a totally different person. The person I lived with was not the person I got married to. I became severely depressed. There was no one but me to do anything and everything.

I decided there had to be some outlet for me. I don’t really even know why or when I decided, but I did at some point. I went on Ashley Madison. I started just going on simple dates; it was fun. But then I met someone. We’ve been in a relationship for over a year now. I’m not dating anyone else but him now. It’s helped me a lot.

Now, I’m able to take care of my husband in a much better frame of mind. He’s no longer living with me, because it came to the point where I couldn’t do that, but he’s in town and I visit him all the time, check in on him, and do things with him. He has no memory at all. I tell him something and five minutes later he’s not going to remember it.

So I’m happier now. I grieved the loss of my marriage. The loss of my husband. The loss of the life that I had. The life that I thought I was going to have as I got older. I just got to the point where I knew it was gone, it wasn’t coming back, and he wasn’t going to get better. It took me quite a while to accept that. — Jean*, 58, Kentucky

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Lizzy Francis is a writer for Fatherly.

This article was originally published at Fatherly. Reprinted with permission from the author.