Who Is Chloe Dykstra & Did She Just Accuse Nerdist's Chris Hardwick Of Abuse? Dark Details Behind The Cosplayer's MeToo Allegations
She didn't mention her accuser by name, but...
Getty Chloe Dykstra, the actor, cosplayer, and model produces and co-hosts web series "Just Cos" for the Nerdist Industries' YouTube channel, as well as a cast member of the SyFy show "Heroes of Cosplay" — began the #MeToo story she shared on Medium with a trigger warning.
"If abuse, sexual assault, or anorexia makes you uncomfortable, you might want to avoid this one."
Over the course of the article she titled "Rose-Colored Glasses: A Confession", Dykstra, 29, accuses an unnamed ex-boyfriend, whom she refers to as "a man almost 20 years my senior", of subjecting her to sexual, verbal emotional abuse over the course of their three-year relationship.
The ex in question is thought to be Nerdist founder Chris Hardwick, the actor and stand up comedian also known for hosting NBC’s game show The Wall, AMC’s Talking Dead aftershow, and as a regular emcee in Hall H at Comic-Con.
Throughout her essay, Hardwick's ex-girlfriend Dykstra explains what it was like to endure years of his "controlling behavior", which she alleges included letting him sexually assault her.
"Regularly," she wrote. "I was expected to be ready for him when he came home from work."
Dykstra claims that just two weeks into dating the unnamed man, he laid out an extremely limiting set of rules for her to follow if she wanted to be involved in a relationship with him. These included not being allowed to drink alcohol or to have male friends, as well as a provision that she "should not want to go somewhere at night", because he expected her to reserve that time exclusively for him, in light of his packed schedule.
One time, while at San Diego Comic Con, Dykstra claims the man in question told her not to leave her hotel room while he attended parties, at one of which, she says she found out months later, he got the phone number of an actress he apparently hoped he could date while dating her without either of the women knowing.
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Explaining why she considers some of their sexual encounters to have been assault even though they were in a consensual relationship (that "fine-line" many people still have trouble seeing despite the constant stream of explanations women have been attempting to make heard since the MeToo Movement began) she shared this:
"At the beginning of our relationship, I was quite ill ... One night he initiated, and I said, 'I’m so sorry, can we not tonight? I’m feeling really sick.' He responded, 'I just want to remind you, the reason my last relationship didn't work out was because of the lack of sex.' It was a veiled threat. I succumbed.
"Every night, I laid there for him, occasionally in tears. He called it 'starfishing'. He thought the whole idea was funny. To be fair, I did go along with it out of fear of losing him."
Recalling her experience of having to undergo surgery to resolve an ectopic pregnancy during their relationship, she says:
"After my recovery, he and my mother were greeted by the doctor.
'The surgery went well, she’ll be fine,' said my doctor.
'Thank god,' said my mother.
'That’s great. When do you think I can have sex with her again?' said my ex.
It was his first question. My mother never forgot."
As the relationship progressed, Dykstra found herself in a dark place.
"No one could save me but myself," she wrote. "After three years of being snapped/yelled at constantly, very rarely being shown any affection — I finally left him."
But, as is all too often the case in situations involving domestic violence, the abuse didn't stop there.
Dykstra wrote that "he made calls to several companies I received regular work from to get me fired by threatening to never work with them ... He succeeded. I was blacklisted."
At one point, then 25-year-old Dykstra even contemplated suicide.
"One night, I found myself on top of an overpass, looking down at the 101, at the lowest point in my life," she wrote.
Fortunately, Dykstra was able to push aside her suicidal thoughts and realize the time had come for her to seek support for the trauma-induced anorexia and depression she'd been suffering from for too long.
"With the help of a therapist, a psychiatrist, good people, plus a lot of hard work, I’ve managed to rebuild my life and I’m in a much better place," she says now.
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The actress closed her essay with two critically important notes.
To those naysayers who will surely wonder — pause for SO many eye rolls — why she stayed:
"Here is my answer: I believed that, to borrow an analogy from a friend, if I kept digging I would find water. And sometimes I did. Just enough to sustain me. And when you’re dying of thirst, that water is the best water you’ll ever drink. When you’re alienated from your friends, there’s no one to tell you that there’s a drinking fountain 20 feet away. And when your self-worth reaches such depths after years of being treated like you’re worthless, you might find you think you deserve that sort of treatment, and no one else will love you."
And one to the man who abused her:
"PS: To the man who tried to ruin my future: A sincere and heartfelt apology could have made my last four years a hell of a lot easier."
Since making her emotional story public, Dykstra says she has received overwhelming shows of support and love from friends and fans, and she thanked them for it via Twitter.
Hardwick has been married to Lydia Hearst, the 33-year-old former model and lifestyle blogger who is the great-granddaughter of the newspaper publisher and politician William Randolph Hearst, since August 2016.
While Dykstra never mentions Hardwick by name, a spokeperson for Nerdist told the Hollywood Reporter, "Chris Hardwick had no operational involvement with Nerdist for the two years preceding the expiration of his contract in December 2017. He no longer has any affiliation with Legendary Digital Networks. The company has removed all reference to Mr. Hardwick even as the original Founder of Nerdist pending further investigation."
Neither Hardwick nor his reps have not yet to respond about Dykstra's post.
Sarah Gangraw is a travel-addicted cat lady who lives on black coffee and cheese. She went to college in Australia, graduated from the University of Central Florida, and writes about all things news and crime. You can follow her on Instagram and Twitter — she's occasionally funny.