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5 Signs You Have A 'Secure Attachment Style' In Love — And How It Affects Your Relationships

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What Does It Mean To Have A Secure Attachment Style?
Love

Are you part of this subgroup?

You might not believe it, but the way human beings behave when they are in relationship with each other isn't just a popular subject for novelist, musicians, and filmmakers to cover.

Our dynamics in relationship with each other are so complex that as early at 1940, scientists were beginning to study our behavior in earnest. By the 1960s, attachment theory and attachment styles — the model used to understand the relationships between people and their behavior in relationships — had already taken off, and it is still a popular resource today


RELATED: How To Use The 'Attachment Theory' To Make The Person You Love Feel More Connected To You


You don't have to be a scientist to understand what attachment theory is all about. Ultimately, there are two groups of attachment styles: secure and insecure. A majority of the population falls within the secure group, and is actually just made up of one subgroup.

Helpfully, that subgroup is called the secure attachment style. Don't you love it when stuff is straightforward? 

Expert Stan Tatkin has a great breakdown of all three attachment styles. In his book, Wired For Love, he breaks them down into three categories: the islands, the waves, and the anchors. Today, we're talking about the last group: the anchors.

In this case, anchors aren't something that weigh you down against your will. It's something helpful and grounding. Let's breakdown the personality traits of an "anchor," or a person with a secure attachment style. 

1. You value relationships.

A person with a secure attachment style craves closeness, connection, and intimacy. In fact, developing, nurturing and sustaining relationships of all sorts is something of a core value to them. Chances are they were raised in a home where they saw positive modeling of what healthy relationships look like. 

2. You love working with others.

A person with a secure attachment type does not struggle when it comes to working with other people. In the workplace, they understand team dynamics and are always willing and able to contribute in a collaborative way. They know when to share ideas at work, and they know when to share feelings with their partner. 


RELATED: How To Know If Your Attachment Style Is The Reason People Keep Leaving


3. You can read people well.

A person with a secure attachment style doesn't often focus on the "what ifs" or give into paranoia the way someone with an anxious attachment style might. This is because they are adept are reading other people's body language and micro-expressions. They tend to make other people feel comfortable, which is why they often do not attract avoidant or anxious types

4. Your family experience was positive.

Most people with a secure attachment style come from a home where they learned how to be open and honest in their relationships. There might have been other issues, but overall their experience being raised was positive. This often isn't the case for people for anxious or avoidant styles. 

5. You can express your feelings well.

What is sometimes a skill that the other types struggle to learn over time comes naturally to the secure attachment style. They are ready, willing, and able to be loved, and they are eager to open up to their partner and to have that be reciprocated

The secure attachment style is, believe it or not, the most common attachment style for most people. While this person might experience other issues that need work in their romantic relationships, very often they enjoy a fairly straightforward path to love and commitment, provided they are in a relationship in a person with a matching attachment style, or with a person eager to do the work needed to form a true attachment. 


RELATED: There Are Only 3 Relationship Attachment Styles — Which Is Yours?


Rebecca Jane Stokes is a writer living in Brooklyn, New York with her cat, Batman. She hosts the love and dating advice show, Becca After Dark, on YourTango's Facebook Page every Tuesday and Thursday at 10:15 pm Eastern. For more of her work, check out her Tumblr.

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