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In fact, these are highly recommended.
By Rebecca Jane Stokes — Written on May 28, 2020
They say that telling the truth is essential in romantic relationships, and they are absolutely correct.
The best dating and relationship advice clearly states that you if can't allow yourself to be vulnerable with your boyfriend, girlfriend, husband, wife, or significant other by remaining open and honest about your true thoughts and feelings — both positive and negative — the chances of long-term survival for your relationship don't look very good.
Vulnerability is scary, sure, but it's also a necessity if you hope to connect with someone on a meaningful level.
Of course, in order for a person to feel safe enough to make themselves vulnerable, they must first be able to trust that the partner in question is being just as honest and vulnerable as well.
That said, the most brutal of truths is that something else plays as critical a role as vulnerability does in relationships — and that thing is known as knowing how and when to tell good lies.
Yes, you read that right. I just gave you whole, long lecture on the importance of honesty in relationships, and now I'm telling you just as sternly that if you want your love to go the distance, you're going to have to lie.
This is not a drill, nor am I having a stroke.
As you probably know, there are times in your life when you're engaging with your partner, they ask you a question, and the very last thing you want to do is answer truthfully.
"Do I look fat?"
Face it. You always say no to that one, even when your partner is, indeed, wearing a less than flattering ensemble. This is because, as a loving and caring partner, your desire not to hurt your love's feelings matter more to you than your passion for extreme honesty. And also your desire not to get the tongue-lashing of a lifetime.
Just as honesty is essential to building foundational trust in relationships, so is knowing exactly when it's the right time not to be honest.
If you cheat on your partner, for example, it doesn't exactly behoove you to lie about it. Lying about something like that only makes your initial betrayal worse. But there are other instances where bending the truth a bit is honestly (*wink wink*) the best thing to do for the sake of you both. And if you're wondering when those instances are, I've totally got you covered.
Here are 11 good lies it's not only acceptable but absolutely recommended to tell the person you love.
(Just don't forget to cross your fingers behind your back first.)
1. "You look amazing!"
When the two of you are getting ready to go out and he shows up in the same ensemble he usually wears and asks you how he looks, there is no need to roll your eyes or nag. He's asking for your opinion because he cares what you think.
Rather than use this as an opportunity to tear him down, let him know just how much you love him by re-affirming what a handsome man you happen to think he is.
2. "Wow, this tastes so good!"
When your your partner cooks you a meal and it's less than tasty, you don't have to 'fess up that the grub was awful. In fact, that would be unkind in the extreme.
Bite your tongue and offer your love compliment. They didn't make this meal in order because you need to eat, they made it because they wanted to do something loving for you, and for that, they ought to be rewarded.
3. "You are absolutely right."
When you're in a fight with your significant other, you can immediately deflate the situation by telling them you're sorry and/or that they are right.
This takes your partner out of their defensive position, making it easier for the two of you to take the tension down a few notches and sort out whatever's really going on.
4. "I love you more than chocolate."
Obviously you love chocolate more than anything, and no one is blaming you for that, but they don't need to hear you say it!
Deep down your partner knows there's all kinds of stuff that matters deeply to you, and you're willingness to say they top the entire list is a gesture they'll appreciate no matter what the truth may be.
5. "I'm totally fine."
Not every feeling that you have is one you can immediately understand, and that's with them coming from inside of you! So there's no need to feel pressure to try and explain every single emotion you have at the exact moment you have it when you have yet to fully sit with it yourself.
If you need time to process, you should take that time, and if the most comfortable way for you to stall while figuring it out is by saying that you're fine, that's totally your prerogative.
6. "I think I understand where you're coming from."
Sometimes when you're having a difficult conversation with your partner, letting them know you get what they're saying — even if you don't, entirely — at the very least let's them know they're being heard.
Being heard is a fundamental need all of us have, and hearing that acknowledgment should actually cool things down enough that you'll be able to start asking questions that truly do bring you to a place of understanding.
7. "No, I definitely do not think he (or she) is hot."
When you enter into a relationship, you don't suddenly lose the ability to appreciate the sight of an attractive person. That said, if your boyfriend asks you if you think another guy is hot or your girlfriend asks if you think her best friend is better looking than she is, do not respond by admitting that yes, in fact, you do.
Your significant other isn't really asking you about that other person, they're asking if you still find them attractive. The answer to that is also that yes, you do, so go ahead and say that!
8. "You have the biggest/bestest/most beautiful [insert physical feature] ever."
Most guys care a whole lot more about size than most women do, while women tend to judge all kinds of parts of themselves more harshly than anyone else they'll ever meet will. So if your partner feels self-conscious about a particular body part or physical feature and looks to you for affirmation, the worst thing you could do is start comparing and contrasting in regard to people you've been with in the past.
No matter where you believe your partner actually ranks, it's 100 percent acceptable for you to verbally award them the number one spot on your list. They might not believe you, but they'll certainly feel good just the same.
9. "I would do anything for you."
Obviously, you probably (hopefully) won't murder a roomful of people just because your beloved asks you to. And that is the exact point I am trying to make by telling you that this is an acceptable lie.
You're speaking in hyperbole because to demonstrate just how much you really care, which is both sweet and loving. And everyone knows this a purposely exaggerated statement, so no harm, no foul and win-wins all around!
10. "I'd love to go camping."
When you're dating someone you like (or even love) a whole lot, chances are you'll want to spend as much time together as possible. Preferably, that time will be spent doing things you both love.
Sometimes, though, you'll agree to do stuff the other person loves but that you could do without. Rather than focusing on how much you loathe your sweetheart's idea, tell them you'd love to take part and try to see the new experience through their beautiful eyes.
11. "Thank you! I love this strangely shaped sweater that's two sizes too small for me."
This is a case where it really does come down to it being the thought that counts. And you know what? The thought should count!
You're with someone who loves you enough to see an object somewhere and feel like they simple must give present it to you. That's pretty dope, even if their taste doesn't align with yours.
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Rebecca Jane Stokes is a writer living in Brooklyn, New York with her cat, Batman. For more of her work, check out her Tumblr.