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Remember that popularity is not a measure of likability.
By Rebecca Jane Stokes — Last updated on Jun 30, 2023
As teenagers in high school, fitting into a certain friendship group is pretty important. In the big scheme of things, it doesn't matter if your personality traits made you — to paraphrase from "The Breakfast Club" — a brain, an athlete, a basket case, a princess or a criminal... not really.
What matters most is that you have one group of fellow teens you can depend on and call your own. That's what makes loners in high school such a target. They don't associate with other people and don't have a group to defend them against ridicule, or worse. They may come across as though they don't need or want anyone there to have their back.
While in high school this gets them stuck with negative labels like "weirdos," when they enter adulthood, they may just get the final laugh. Why?
Because it turns out that people who were considered 'losers' or 'loners' in high school make some of the most interesting, fun and successful grown-ups.
According to Alexandra Robbins, author of "The Geeks Shall Inherit the Earth," noted the following in an interview with Salon:
"In high school, popularity is more important than anywhere else, but popularity is not a measure of likability. Popularity is composed of three elements: visibility, recognizability and influence. The people in school who have those three qualities are often that way because they conform to a standard.
Meanwhile, the kids who won't or can't conform are the ones who are left out. Nonconformity is a wonderful trait, and it's going to be valued in adulthood. If you're different in school, that makes you an outsider. If you're different as an adult, that makes you interesting, fun and often successful."
Anyone else remember Christian Slater in "Pump Up The Volume"? Slater's character, Mark Hunter, was a total loner and an outcast, but that didn't mean he was unhappy. In fact, he had a fuller, richer sense of who he was as an individual and what he had to say for himself, which aren't typically strong points for teenagers dealing with the social morass we like to call high school.
Just because someone was a loner in high school or is a loner as a grown-up, that doesn't mean they don't know how to be a good friend, and it doesn't mean that they don't know how to have a good time. In fact, it's those same loners who are actually the most successful and happiest people around.
People who went without teenage friendships in high school are some of the best people to know in adulthood, because they have these 5 amazing personality traits.
1. They're loyal.
People who identify as being loners choose their friends very carefully. They expect the people they really trust in this life to be ride or die. That might be a tall order, but it's one they plan on matching with their own fervor and devotion.
2. They're big on boundaries.
A lot of conflict we face with our friends and social acquaintances is due to one person's refusal to respect the other's boundaries. How often have you found yourself hanging out with a friend when you're dying to have some time to yourself, but you don't know how to ask for it without getting them mad?
A friend who was a loner understands that in order for some people to thrive socially, they need their fair share of space. Allowing them that doesn't hurt relationships, it helps them grow stronger.
3. They're level-headed.
Chances are that a loner is less likely to buckle and break under the strain and stress of a busy day. Again, this is because people who have spent more time alone know that the key to managing their stress is taking time for themselves.
4. They're open-minded.
People who spend a lot of time on their own are often open to going on new adventures. In fact, you'll find that loners are some of the most open-minded and adventurous people around.
It's just that sometimes they need to recharge after a busy day spent out and about exploring the world at-large.
5. They're self-aware.
Loners spend a lot of time with only themselves for company, which means that they have plenty of opportunity to become exceptionally self-aware.
Does this mean that they are some kind of Buddha on the mountaintop who's achieved a permanent state of living in Zen? No, but it does mean that they tend to have a sense of perspective about their own place in the world, and that's rad.
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Rebecca Jane Stokes is an editor, freelance writer, former Senior Staff Writer for YourTango, and the former Senior Editor of Pop Culture at Newsweek. Her bylines have appeared in Fatherly, Gizmodo, Yahoo Life, Jezebel, Apartment Therapy, Bustle, Cosmopolitan, SheKnows, and many others.