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This is why he isn't giving you the closure you think you need.
By Etincelle — Written on Jan 05, 2018
Why won’t he call? Can’t he just have a conversation to give me some peace of mind? What's wrong with him? What did I do to deserve this? Did I really mean this little to him?
These are the questions that echo in our heads after a breakup from hell. Walking away from a relationship without even the slightest bit of closure can drive a girl crazy and cause a lot of sleepless nights. But the truth is guys go silent after a breakup for a reason, and here’s how to cope with it.
Sometimes closure looks differently than we imagine it. Sometimes we don't get all of the answers we're seeking. Sometimes it's not wrapped in a pretty bow with two people who amicably say "this is for the better." And most times, we just have to find it in our own ways.
Do you think most people can easily admit their fears? Of course, we all would like our partner to care enough to tell us the truth no matter how much it hurts, but that’s almost never the case. Guys handle breakups in their own ways and the product of their own healing is silencing us out.
1. They don’t spend their days over-analyzing every second we spent with them, wondering where it all went wrong, trying to pinpoint the exact moment they sensed the downfall.
In fact, they won’t put much effort into thinking about the breakup at all. In their minds, it’s more general events: how the breakup happened and what the main reason for why it fell apart. Their lack of overthinking leads to silence because they don’t need any questions answered, they don’t want to know much more than what they already do. If they were to reach out, it could only potentially hurt them more, so they remain, silent and safe in their uncomplicated mindset.
2. We find it comforting to vent to a friend about a breakup and crave advice on how to handle it, while guys do the exact opposite.
Maybe they’ll have a quick, “we broke up” conversation with their bros and most likely call us ‘crazy’ and say they “just couldn’t do it anymore,” but it doesn’t go much deeper than that. Guy friends skip the emotional-healing aspect of a breakup and head towards the binge-drinking, bar hopping, sloppy nights out instead, doing whatever it takes to get the breakup off his mind.
3. Guys are just wired differently, they don’t need the same support girls crave after a breakup.
Their reaction is silence because it’s the easiest way to deal with the emotions that are flooding in, otherwise, they wouldn’t know what to do with them.
So in order to cope, us girls need to pause and think. Take a deep breath and tell yourself, “I will figure this out.” Don’t take on their issues and make them your own.Realize that we all have insecurities, and not all of us can understand how they impact us.
The best thing you can do is take it as a sign from the universe that it’s time to move on, and that any person worthy of being your partner would never leave you in the lurch like that. Remember this saying, “If not this, something better.” These words sound stupid and irritating when your relationship has just ended, but they are true for a reason.
We don’t always get what we want, but we get what we need. Change is inevitable. Change is good. If it was meant to be, it would have been, and if it is meant to be, it will be.
Unfortunately, life doesn't always go along with our preconceived notions of how things should be, and people aren’t always what we want and need them to be. Life isn’t always wrapped up in a pretty package with a bow on top. Sometimes you get closure and sometimes you don’t. Sometimes the lack of closure is the very lesson that you needed to learn. Maybe you needed to learn to validate yourself and accept yourself.
Consider seeing this person as a gift sent to you. They were brought to you as a reflection of yourself. Thank them for being a part of your journey and send them on their way in your mind.
If you are waiting for your ex to give you closure, it might be time to dig deep inside and give it to yourself. To heal a wound you need to stop touching it.
Etincelle writes things as they happen to her. So in a way we are going through this all together.
This article was originally published at PuckerMob. Reprinted with permission from the author.