Photo: Anastasiya Pavlova on Unsplash
These guys prove that romance is definitely alive and well!
By Rebecca Jane Stokes — Written on Apr 12, 2020
There are so many different ways for people to say "I love you" that go beyond the basic act of uttering those three little words that people have written an endless stream of poems, books, plays, love songs and articles about the subject.
And many times, when couples find themselves starting to grow distant from each other, it isn't because they are falling out of love, but rather because they haven't found the best way to express the love they feel to their partner — leading to doubts, suspicions, frustrations and more.
We all have different ways we prefer to show and receive love in relationships, and this varies not only from person to person, but often, according to gender.
It might sound like simple stereotyping to say that men and women tend to demonstrate and understand love differently, but frankly, it's also really true.
Women are typically more vocal about our feelings, love included. When we love a man we tell him that we love him. We tell our friends that we love him. Heck, catch us on the right day and we might even mention our ardent devotion to the Starbucks barista is ringing up our double tall skim lattes. Sure, not all women operate this way, but if you like speaking in sweeping generalizations — and I do — that's just plain how things tend to be.
For men, however, expressing love for their partners, girlfriends, side kicks and/or wives doesn't always play out in the same way.
Sure, they feel tremendous love, but they might not always go around saying just how much they love you out loud. I know that may not be fair, and that yes, men should feel just as free to express their emotions as women do, but unfortunately, we don't exactly live in a culture that celebrates men who do so.
I think that's part of why I am always curious to hear the different ways in which men express their love for their partners and how they work to demonstrate that love every single day.
Of course, men don't always feel comfortable opening up about all of this warm and gushy stuff, but thankfully, there is the AskMen forum on Reddit, a place for men to interact and discuss anything, even cheesy romantic and "unmanly" things like how they show their ladies just how much they love them on the regs.
And recently, one redditor asked the question, "Men of reddit, how do you show your wife you love her every day?"
Whether you're a man struggling to figure out how to show the person in your life that you love them or a woman who needs reassuring that romance and love aren't dead, what these men had to share about keeping their love alive and growing is sure to make you smile.
Chances are you might even find a good tip to use yourself!
Here are 21 ways happily married men say "I love you" to their without using a single word.
1. Snuggling FTW!
"Excessive snuggling when I'd rather be doing a hundred other things."
2. Paying attention.
"Just being kind and understanding in everyday boring conversations. Listening is key, and being attentive even if she's just going on about something you're not necessarily interested in. She most likely gives you that courtesy for your interests so it means a lot to reciprocate."
3. Doing housework.
"Another small one is just doing your half of the housework. Lots of blogs and articles talk about how even if the husband is the sole worker and the wife stays home with kids or whatever, there's still a lot you can do to make her life easier. Sure, you worked a full week and want to come home and relax, but her home is her office; if she's keeping up with kids and doing cooking/cleaning during the day, she deserves to relax afterwards also. It's a compromise and it's easy to feel selfishly judgmental of the other person."
4. Showing spontaneous affection.
"Kissing her randomly while you're cooking or cleaning or just watching a tv show. Small acts of affection for your partner are simpler and worth more than buying expensive gifts or flowers all the time."
5. Buying her flowers for no particular reason.
"Buy her some flowers once in awhile. Not for holidays though. Pick a random Thursday and grab a spring or summer bouquet on your way home from work. If she asks why just tell her you were thinking about her and got them."
6. Choosing words carefully to be sure they are kind.
"Be careful with my wording. If she rents a movie and it's good I compliment her on picking out a good movie. If it's bad I leave her out of it and say the movie is bad. There are many healthy types of relationships in the world, but in my opinion the spousal one should be as supportive as practically possible."
7. Helping her shoulder the load.
"We just had our first child and we're both home on vacation/maternity leave. Since she has to handle feeding the wee one, I cook her breakfast, lunch, and (when one of our friends isn't dropping it off) dinner. I do all the dishes, clean the house, do the shopping, and take diaper changes/burps/soothes when I can so she doesn't have to."
8. Sending flirty text messages.
"I recently setup Google Assistant so that when to say, 'OK Google, flirt with my wife' it'll shoot her a text from me saying 'I love you, sexy.' Now I just do it randomly and I know she appreciates it (even though she knows what I'm doing)."
9. Saying sweet little nothings.
"One day a compliment or a few words of support, another a gentle stroke or a kiss on the neck."
10. Bringing her snacks.
"Not married, but I have started bringing my gf a small snack for when I pick her up from her 12 hr shift. She eats there, but is always hungry again by the end of shift."
11. Learning her 'love language.'
"I know it's cheesy but I learned which are my love languages and that helped me develop ways to show my wife I love her. For acts of service I pre-set up her coffee every morning when I leave for work and I leave her love notes on it (she has kept all of them for 16 years and I mod podged them on a box she keeps them in). For words of affirmation I just make sure to find ways to tell her she's special and beautiful to me everyday."
12. Showing her you want her bad.
"Kiss her and grab her behind."
13. Showing her appreciation.
"An act of affection every day. Could be a kiss, hug, gift. Something to show you appreciate her."
14. Finding your balance.
"We don't really court anymore but we spend a lot of time having conversations. My wife is actually a not a great listener but I am great at it and she appreciates that I listen so well even though all our conversations are one sided. We're actually pretty compatible in this regard because I don't feel the need to talk a lot."
15. Sending random texts.
"One thing I do is text her at lunch telling her how much I miss her when she's at work."
16. Being supportive.
"I give her a kiss in the morning before I leave for work when she's here. I make her lunch and start her coffee before she leaves for work. I tell her I think she looks great (she does) and try to support her as much as possible. I give her random kisses and grab her butt too, but that might be more for me... Generally, I try to make it easier for her however I can and support her. I might not always get it right and she probably doesn't notice half of it. That's okay, she's my wife and I love her."
17. Reading stories to each other.
"I read stories to my wife every night. It helps her relax and we get to read together which is something that most people never really do. Some nights we end up re-reading parts of a chapter because she falls asleep on me, though."
18. Being honest.
"Being honest how I feel and letting her know that she brings the best out of me everyday."
19. Being a gentleman.
"It's the little things: give her a long hug every morning at first greeting; hold her hand every time you leave the house together; open doors for her; go to bed together at the same time every night; basically, be a gentleman."
20. Always making up after a fight.
"By always making up. Life is not always so easy, especially with kids, tempers run, but so do our hearts and love and sex drives. Forgiveness is everything."
21. Greeting her when she comes home.
"My girlfriend and I usually come home from work at the same time, but sometimes one of us will get home before the other. If I get home first and I'm laying on the couch or doing something when she comes in, I stop what I'm doing, go up to her, and give her a big hug and three kisses: one on the lips, one on the nose, one on the forehead. And she does the same if she gets home first. I think part of a healthy relationship is always being happy to see each other when you've been apart, even if it's only been a few hours."
22. Being present.
"Time, time, time. Same for the kids. Being present is the most effective thing you can do."
23. Giving her daily reminders of not just how much you love her, but why.
"On New Year's Day this year, I gave her a jar of 365 different things that I love about her. She pulls one out every day."
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Rebecca Jane Stokes is a humor and lifestyle writer living in Brooklyn, New York with her cat, Batman. For more of her work, check out her Tumblr.