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It's an epidemic.
By Ossiana Tepfenhart — Last updated on May 02, 2023
If you follow my writing regularly, then you already know I’m burned out and pretty bitter from the dating scene. I’ll be the first one to tell you that the dating scene — and even actively trying to find love — is extremely toxic and will make you crazy.
To a point, I feel like it’s way worse as a woman. Society subtly (and not so subtly) tells us we need to find a partner. Most of us do want a partner to love and want to have a loving husband or wife to come home to, too.
It’s not that unreasonable-sounding a demand until you see the absolutely despicable behavior of others in the dating scene. Like, we’re supposed to find a partner when it seems like 90 percent of people lack any interest, effort, or decency? Okay, sure.
Then, when girls get dumped or when they’re told they’re not "marriage material," we’re supposed to be emotionless. If we react, we’re “crazy.” If we sit there and openly admit we want a partner, then we’re "desperate," and asked why it’s so important.
If you get abused, it’s "obviously your fault since you chose him.” Like, really, no matter what you do, the dating game will make you the loser and blame you. It’s a sick, abusive game which I’m seeing many girls simply check out of.
Women have every reason in the world to be angry and bitter, and a lot of us, particularly divorcees, tend to be. But men? Well, they seem to be at an advantage in the dating scene in many ways.
They don’t have the same stigma single girls have. They get to decide whether they want to commit or be playboys without nasty comments. Looks and weight don’t matter as much with them. And the bar is set so damn low for online dating that just being emotionally healthy will set you apart from the rest as a man.
But, if you go online, men constantly talk about how evil women are. Some men even give random chicks death threats. So why are men so bitter and angry compared to women about this all? I did my research, and this is what I found out.
Here are 10 reasons why men are so much more bitter than women:
1. Bad stuff happens to men, too — but unlike women, men often don’t have the healthy support to cope
The dating scene is toxic to everyone, and in many cases, men get screwed over as badly as women do. In fact, it can even be worse with men.
The difference is that men are told to be emotionless, and most men view asking for help as a bad thing. No positive support group means that they can’t parse things out in a healthy manner and that in turn tends to make them feel angrier as the years pass.
2. To make matters worse, the groups that do offer support to men often have toxic beliefs
Many men-focused sites involve a “men versus women” mentality that makes guys see women as the enemy. Not all women are bad, just like not all men are bad.
The only difference is that men end up looking for support in these negative echo chambers, which often do little to make them feel better and way more to make them feel rage, bitterness, and hatred towards the gender they want to date.
3. Men are taught to deal with hurt via anger
Anger is considered to be a lot more “manly” than actually crying or letting things out. So, to a point, the rage you’re seeing is what happens when men are not given the nod to actually grieve properly by society.
4. There are serious issues that men should be upset about
As I said before, the dating world is universally toxic. I’ve met a lot of women who, for one reason or another, decided to get pregnant as a way to keep a guy around. This is not fair to the man because he never consented to having a kid.
Technically, that’s rape, and in the event of demanding child support or a wedding ring in exchange for an abortion, extortion. Guys who deal with this honestly have every right to be bitter and angry. Wouldn’t you be?
5. There's also the issue of aggrieved entitlement
Men are at a huge advantage in dating, and they don’t even realize it. They don’t realize how poorly they treat women in many cases, either. The dating scene is different than it used to be. Women now don’t have to have a husband to survive. So, women have more ability to say “no” to dates. And they have been.
When you get privileges others don’t have removed, it feels like you’re being discriminated against. This is an aggrieved entitlement; they believe they are owed something that they’re not getting, not realizing that the world doesn’t owe you s***.
6. The media tends to give men really toxic beliefs about love
I honestly believe romantic comedies were the worst thing to happen to humanity, primarily because so many people believe that they reflect how reality is “supposed” to be. In real life, men can’t win over girls or negotiate attraction.
Men don’t get this and it's part of the reason why are men so bitter. So, when guys can’t “get the girl” in a rom-com way, they often end up feeling angry, bitter, and cheated.
7. Many men are also, consciously and unconsciously, taught to hate women
Multiple studies confirm this and Cracked even did a whole article on it too. The funny thing about teaching people to hate is that it often makes you way more bitter, too.
8. A very large portion of men also don’t feel masculine anymore or feel like society villainizes men
This is sad because it’s so not true. Women really do adore men, celebrate them, and cherish them — but only if they’re healthy. The problem is that we no longer have enough healthy, happy, and loving men to go around.
Society will always praise a good man. The problem is that many men out there don’t see that masculinity can take just as many different forms as femininity. They can thank toxic mentalities pervasive throughout society for that.
9. Some men just don’t feel like they have much power and tend to blame women for it
Men often have a need to feel like the big shot in the room. This isn’t something that can really be fixed unless men actually put in effort to better themselves.
The next best thing to do is to blame someone else for your problems since you won’t have to fix them that way. The most common social punching bag? Women.
10. Overall, it’s a mix of things, but all the reasons are just symptoms of a bigger problem
A lot of men are sick these days. They are fed bullsh*t expectations, basically taught to see women as items, and are angry because they don’t know why things aren’t working out the way they are “supposed to.”
Sadly, it’s not up to us women to fix these men. If anything is going to be able to change, it’ll have to be up to men to realize that it’s time to look at things in a new light.
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Ossiana Tepfenhart is a writer whose work has been featured in Yahoo, BRIDES, Your Daily Dish, New Theory Magazine, and others.