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Here are 11 ways to know if you are nothing special to him.
By Ossiana Tepfenhart — Last updated on Jul 12, 2023
There is nothing more hurtful than realizing the same man who used to prioritize you now sees you as an afterthought. However, it happens to many of us, no matter how we try to make sure they still see us as part of their family.
As bad as it sounds, there’s only so much you can do to fix things and in most cases, it’s not salvageable once it gets this way. I ought to know — it happened to me.
Are you worried that it’s time to walk away because of this issue in your relationship?
If you notice any of these things, they are all signs you're irrelevant to him and your relationship definitely won't last.
Here are 11 signs you feel irrelevant in your relationship because you mean nothing to him.
1. You regularly remind him about that “one big issue” you have with him.
After you remind him again about your concern for the relationship, he continually puts it off, shrugs it off, and gives you lip service over it.
A good sign that you’ve lost relevance with him is how he handles issues that clearly upset you deeply. If he constantly refuses to confront issues, he’s saying that your needs are irrelevant to him and that he doesn’t care enough to fix the issue.
Should this be the case, leaving (and staying gone) is your best option. You don’t need that in your life.
2. It feels like you literally have to force him to go on social outings with him.
Do you literally feel like you’d have to beg, plead, and cajole him just to spend time with him and his family? Does it feel like he just doesn’t want to do anything with your friends?
This is one of the signs you're irrelevant to him, that he no longer thinks of you as relevant in a “wifey” way, and that he’s trying to fade you out of his life before he dumps you.
3. He's started to bail on you, regularly.
Anybody who regularly bails on you doesn’t care about you enough to legitimately make you a priority anymore. At this point, you’re more or less his afterthought or his “in case of boredom” issue.
4. You literally feel like you need to beg for his attention.
If this happens, it’s time to go. Like, yesterday. This does not happen in healthy relationships, and if it’s happening to you, you need to bail and find someone who won’t shatter your self-esteem that way.
5. He makes plans with his friends but doesn’t bother telling you unless he’s not coming home.
If he does tell you, he never tells you until the last moment.
This is a sign that what you want to do is no longer relevant, particularly if he used to call and ask you to come along beforehand. If you’re in a relationship and this happens, then you can bet your bottom dollar that it’s a sign that you’re no longer relevant to him.
6. Though he said he was too busy to go on a date with you, his Instagram selfies show him at home with a beer.
At this point, you should probably be aware that he isn’t interested in you. If he was, you would probably take priority over sitting at home with a beer. He’s just not that into you or not that into putting in dating effort to be worth it for you.
7. If you were a sober hookup, he claims he was drunk when he had sex with you.
Ouch. Just ouch. Would you really want to be with a person who’d say that about you? Think about that for a second.
8. He brushes you under the carpet to his friends...and sometimes, to you too.
If a guy makes a point of just calling you “a friend” or not even telling his friends who you are, you don't matter to him.
9. You’re pretty sure if you stopped putting in the effort, your relationship would grind to a halt.
If you’re getting this feeling, chances are that you’re right and that the person who you’re dating or interested in isn’t worth the effort. Chasing around a disinterested guy is a self-esteem killer, and frankly, no one has time for that.
10. Affection isn’t really his shtick, nor is talking to you about little things interesting to him.
Even the biggest, scariest, manliest men out there will show affection to the ones they love and care about. If he’s not being affectionate towards you, then you’re no longer relevant to him. The same can be said about talking. People who are in love talk to people.
11. You two don’t really date or act official; it’s so casual that even an FWB situation doesn't accurately describe it.
This is the sign that you’re not really anyone to him; you’re just a person he sleeps with once in a while.
Final thought.
When you add up all the signs, it should be pretty clear if you have an relevance in his life or not. If the answer is no, you don't have anything special and are at best and afterthought in the relationship to him, then it is definitely time to move one from this Mr. Wrong.
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Ossiana Tepfenhart is a Jack-of-all-trades writer based out of Red Bank, New Jersey.