Photo: weheartit
Your man loves you, so why don't you?
By Laura Lifshitz — Written on Aug 15, 2017
We all have insecurities but when those insecurities play out in the bedroom, it can be really difficult for your partner. More difficult, in fact, than it is for you.
No one is perfect but when you let your insecurities affect your intimate life, it kills the passion and the love. And because women care a lot about what men think, it becomes especially hard to fake it.
Here's what men think of your body insecurity, including what he absolutely can't stand. Take note, ladies; it might teach you a thing or two about overcoming being insecure.
1. She's too quiet, which means she's not comfortable.
"I hate it when the woman is quiet in bed, as in she doesn't say what she wants. Not that I'm looking for a full-blown conversation or some huge dirty talk session, but when she's just dead quiet it makes me feel like she's not happy or comfortable, as though we're just doing this for my benefit and not hers. It feels like she's just letting me have her and that she herself is not getting anything out of it. It makes me feel like I'm doing something wrong."
Ladies, say something! Even if the sex sucks, speak out.
2. She wants me to tell her she's pretty during sex.
"When the woman is always asking for compliments all the time, it's a huge turn-off. One partner always asked for feedback during sex. It made me feel like her father, needing to shower her with praise and feedback. And hey, I don't have daddy fantasies!"
It's okay to want to hear nice things but when you need to be told how amazing you are, he starts to think that you're not so great after all.
3. She doesn't believe that I love her body, even after I've told her many times.
"I think your stretch marks are hot, and if you don't believe me after the 23rd time I tell you, we're not meant to be."
You're not perfect. News flash: no one is, and even more vital to your sex life, he doesn't care. He loves everything about you. So if he tells you that, believe him.
4. She wants to have sex with the lights off.
"No lights off, please. If you aren't secure enough to do it under a fluorescent bulb, we are not gonna work. I had an ex who hated sex with the lights on. She had a fantastic body and was very beautiful, but had real insecurities about it. This was always a sore point for me because I like to see the person I am having sex with and I just didn't like that she was that uncomfortable with her body."
Ladies, if you can't own what you've got, how can he want what you're selling? Let that light shine.
5. She compares herself to my female friends.
"I had a girlfriend who was very jealous of my female friends. This was very tough because many/most of my closest friends are female and purely platonic, but they are close friends. This led to a lot of jealousy and insecurity and was one of the things that ended up killing our relationship. In her defense, though, one of those close female friends at the time is now my wife of 16 years... so my ex-girlfriend may have been seeing more clearly than I was that there was more to some of these friendship relationships than I thought."
Sometimes a female friend may be an issue, but for the most part, as long as he's a trustworthy guy and she's not sending him naked selfies and throwing herself at his feet, trust him. Because when it comes to what men think of your body insecurity, he couldn't care less about how his female friends look.
6. She's always questioning me during sex.
"I once had a partner who asked — constantly — if I liked what she was doing. It totally pulled us out of the moment, repeatedly."
Don't disturb the groove with too many Q &As. Of course, asking for feedback is a good thing, just not when it's every two seconds.
7. She hesitates to let me touch her stomach.
"I like to touch, so if a woman has an issue with a body part because she's embarrassed about it (stomach, often), I'll try to work with that up to a point."
He understands your discomfort but he finds you so attractive. He wishes you'd cut it out so he could enjoy the experience.
8. She won't take off all her clothes.
"I hate when ladies think they're overweight, which makes them not want to strip all the way. It's like, come on! I know what you look like, so take it all off."
See a theme here, ladies? He loves what you look like, so let him enjoy you even if you're sweating over your thigh gap, stretch marks or what have you.
9. She's worried about how her vagina smells.
"Her genitals don't smell. Rather, her vulva and its constituent structures smell like what they're supposed to smell like. I suppose we can all pick up funk here and there but a fixation on the possibility is not sexy. While no one should brag about their ability to receive oral sex, reluctance to receive it puts a damper on the mood. And by virtue that most women can't orgasm by intercourse alone, you're really only letting yourself down. And sure, some crotches are more pungent due to diet, natural pH balance but you can fix that with Lemisol. Stop sweating the small stuff!"
Have poor body image? Watch the video below for tips on how to be more confident during sex:
.......
Laura Lifshitz will work for chocolate. The former MTV personality and Columbia University graduate is currently writing about divorce, sex, women’s issues, fitness, parenting, marriage and more for YourTango, New York Times, DivorceForce, Women’s Health, Working Mother, Pop Sugar, and more. Her own website is frommtvtomommy.com.
