How Do YOU Define Cheating? Take Our Survey And Let Us Know!

We want to know where you draw the line.

cheating iStock

What exactly is cheating?

And does it always have to mark the end of a relationship? Would we all, in fact, be better off if more relationships were more open, flexible, or (to borrow a word from Dan Savage) monogamish?

Because we all have our own subjective opinions about where infidelity begins. Does it begin with a thought? Or an action? Is flirting cheating? Or does there need to be some follow-through for it to count?


We’re all trying to figure out where that line is, and it’s not the same for everyone, so how do you know if you’ve crossed it? Is it with a text, a kiss, an illicit evening away from your significant other?

YourTango wants to get a better idea of where that line is with modern men and women, and we’ve teamed up with Ashley Madison — the world’s leading dating destination for casual encounters, discrete dating, discreet encounters and affairs  to figure out what cheating really means to YOU.

But we need your help. We have a short survey that will help us get a better idea of how people really define cheating in modern relationships and  get this  if you take the survey, you’ll be entered into a drawing and two lucky people will win $250. That’s right. 250 bucks, just for answering some questions.


Here it is — If you're on MOBILE, you can CLICK HERE to take the survey.

(We're also embedding a version of the survey at the bottom of this article that will work for desktop users.)

(Note: You have to take the complete survey and enter your email address in the final field to qualify for the prize. However, your answers will be 100% anonymous.)

Over the past twenty to thirty years, the mandate for monogamy has undergone a tremendous change and, for a significant number of people, the old desire for "mom and pop monogamy" has crumbled (or is starting to fall apart).



In the past, monogamy was the only mainstream, socially-acceptable flavor available to most people and any ventures outside of monogamy were considered subversive or taboo.

However, things have changed. One of the best indications of that sea change is a tremendous article that appeared in the New York Times earlier this year  “Is An Open Marriage A Happier Marriage?” by Susan Dominus.

The article brings a tremendous humanity to the many people out there who are currently pursuing non-monogamous relationships.

And they’re not deviants or scoundrels. They’re very normal, very real people who just were not able to find emotional (or sexual) fulfillment in the traditional “you and I only forever” ways. (The 1,600 comments on the piece let you know that they’re not alone, but also that the non-monogamy lifestyle nevertheless remains as a threatening development for quite a few others.)


CLICK HERE to take our survey about how YOU define cheating.

Through a series of case studies, Dominus introduces us to a number of people who have challenged the idea that a relationship has to be a binary structure. There are people who have embraced cheating, open marriages, polyamory, married dating, and so on.

It quotes best-selling author, therapist, and YourTango Expert Tammy Nelson who notes that many modern couples are experiencing something she calls “The New Monogamy,” a concept that she describes as “the recognition that, for an increasing number of couples, marital attachment involves a more fluid idea of connection to the primary partner than is true of the old monogamy.”

Because the boundaries of modern relationships have changed, both physically and emotionally.


Things aren’t as simple anymore, which can be a good or a bad thing, depending on how you look at it. (If you’re wondering how it could be good, ask yourself “Why would I only recognize only one flavor of ice cream when I know more than 31 flavors are available?”)

But, even though relationships have broadened, the truth is… no one likes being betrayed. We can still get hurt, we can still have our trust broken.

As “non-traditional relationships” become less taboo, it is helpful to understand where people draw the line or expand the line in their romantic relationships. Which is why we're so eager to hear from you.

These insights can help many more of us put our own decisions and opinions into perspective and might help us expand our possibilities… or perhaps increase our conviction that our extant perspective is the right one. 


This is what YourTango and Ashley Madison want to know. And we need your help.

So take our survey (maybe win some cash) and we’ll get back to you soon with all truths (and secrets) we uncover.

Click here to take the survey and be sure to share the link with your friends too!

Created in partnership with Ashley Madison.