How To Break Up With Someone Without COMPLETELY Crushing Them

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how to break up with someone gently

I’m here today to give you some master tips on how to break up with someone gently. Before we start, you should know that breaking up with someone is almost never easy. It involves a lot of pain, heartache, and discomfort.

You should also know that you’re probably going to hurt the person no matter what. There’s really no way around that. It’s hard to hurt someone you care about, and that’s probably the hardest part of breakups.

However, if you’re having serious doubts about the relationship and there’s no possible way to fix these problems, then it’s probably better that you break up with him. Eventually, they’ll come to see that the breakup was good for them.

Below are some essential tips and guidelines on how to break up with someone gently that you should follow.

1. Be 100 percent sure that you want to break up.

You want to be absolutely certain that breaking up is the right solution. Make sure to review all the reasons why you’re considering a break up with him and make sure that you’re emotionally ready to move away. If you’re having any doubts at all, talk them through with a friend or someone you trust. Chances are, you are pretty ready to do this, you’re just scared of hurting them.

Also, if there’s any issue in the relationship that can be fixed with just a conversation with your partner, then have that conversation with them. You should only break up with someone once you’re 100 percent certain that the relationship is not salvageable. It’s also important to be set on breaking up because during the breakup your partner might beg for you to stay. You need to stay firm in your decision to be fair to them. 

2. Do it in a quiet, secluded place.

If you can, go over to their place. That way, you can remove yourself from the situation quickly. If their place is unavailable, try to go somewhere quiet, like a sparsely populated park or a beach. You can also take a short walk or just sit outside your place.

As long as you are in a quiet and unpopulated place, it should be okay. In any case, make sure you each have your own transportation, because after the breakup you aren’t going to want to be around each other. I wouldn’t do it in public because you don’t know how they’re going to react, and it’ll increase their humiliation and shame. 

3. Be honest, but not too honest.

Your ex deserves an explanation for the breakup. Be prepared to give them one. Be honest about how you’re feeling and give the reasons why you feel the relationship is not salvageable. Don’t be too honest though.

If you have the urge to say something petty, don’t. If you want to tear them down, hold your tongue. If you’re leaving your ex for someone else, you may choose to disclose this, but don’t go into much into detail about your new lover. The point is to hurt your ex as little as possible, because being dumped is already painful enough. 

4. Don’t draw it out.

Personally, I wouldn’t be there for more than an hour. I don’t think you should spend a lot of time with them after the breakup. If you draw it out by rehashing everything that went wrong in the relationship then it’s just going to make the both of you feel like sh*t.

In my opinion, keeping the breakup short and sweet is the easiest for the both of you. Say what you need to say, answer any questions they have, make arrangements to get your stuff, and then be done. 

5. Don’t use clichés.

Never say, “It’s not you, it’s me.” That’s not only the most used breakup line ever, it’s totally fake. Everyone knows that this phrase universally means that, “It’s actually you, not me” and your ex will see through that lie. If you want to be friends with them, say so honestly, but you don’t have to say, “I hope we’ll stay friends” if you don’t want to be their friend. 

6. Say that they’ll find someone better than you.

I think it’s nice to say this because it gives them hope for a brighter future. They will find someone who is ultimately better for them, and it kind of puts the responsibility for the breakup on you instead of them. Instead of something being wrong with them, there’s something wrong with you.

This does wonders for your ex’s ego. Their ego is already going to be hurt enough, so this statement might make them feel better. 

7. Be gentle but firm on your decision.

Be gentle when you tell them why your relationship is over. Try to explain in the calmest way you can and be very kind. However, your partner may try to bargain with you or plead for you back. You must be firm in your decision. You’re breaking up with them for a reason, after all.

It’s not fair to your ex to go back and forth with them. If you waver, then you’ll just be stuck in a relationship you don’t want to be in for longer. 

8. If you can make arrangements to get your stuff, make them then.

If you can, as in your ex isn’t too hysterical or angry, then make arrangements to get whatever you left at their place. If you can get your stuff right then, do it. It’ll save you the pain of going back to your ex’s later.

If your ex is upset or angry, don’t make the arrangements right then. Either text them later and coordinate or tell your ex that you’ll have a friend come pick up your stuff later. 

9. Get out as soon as they start reacting badly.

If they get angry, throw things at you or become otherwise abusive, get the hell out of there. You do not need to put yourself in danger. 

10. Block their number unless you have a reason to talk to them in the short-term.

Be sure to block their number unless there’s something specific that you two have to work out. It may seem harsh to block their number, but it’s important to do for at least the first few weeks after you break up. You have to separate from your ex, and not having access to their number is the first step. It’ll prevent you from texting them late at night after having a few glasses of wine.

If you need to arrange to pick up your stuff, text them for this reason only. Once you have arranged to have all your stuff picked up, block the number for good. You can unblock it later once you’ve moved on from the breakup. If they text you, pleading for you back or wanting to talk, it’s important to not respond. Like I said, I know it seems harsh but it’s equally important for you to separate from them during this time. It’s easier on both of you, trust me. 

The bottom line is, breaking up with someone is never easy. Unfortunately, the more involved you are with this person, the harder it is going to be.

I’ve heard of very few amicable breakups, especially if they were long-term relationships. You have no clue how your partner is going to react. They could be happy to be out of the relationship, devastated, angry or sad. If you’re kind, honest and direct with your ex, though, it should make the breakup a lot easier. Stay strong now and I know you’ll be able to get through this.

This article was originally published at nshineworld. Reprinted with permission from the author.