Dear Black Men: We Black Women Have Your Back — Why Don't You Have Ours?

Enough is enough.

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"Can black men not be the white people of black people?"

That was the eye-raising comment on my Facebook timeline one day that made me stop everything I was doing to follow along because there was so much truth in it.

For the most part, this is a forbidden topic for black women. The world already hates black men enough for the both of us, so we try to keep any issues we have with them to ourselves. 


To be the black woman who speaks down or holds our male counterparts accountable is to be brave.  

True to double standards black men are, however, free to attack black women's character and then collectively smash our esteem into millions of pieces.

I'm not sure how it looks from the outside looking in, but from the inside, it's easy to see that black men are one of the most toxic, hateful and demeaning groups ... to their own community ... but black women especially. 

For centuries, black women have been the spine that helped to hold black men up as they walked into the world that feared their beauty, their glory, and their history (before slavery we were Kings and Queens!).


And, up until recent decades, we were adored and treated as such.

Through the years, black women's roles have shifted and changed as the hardships that have hit black community shifted and changed. While I'm sure that's had an impact on black men, for better or worse, it's not the sole issue.

The heroin epidemic, Bill Clinton's 1994 crime bill, police brutality, and generally deadbeat black men are all to blame for the dramatic decrease of men remaining in black households.


Black men must start to realize that the system is rigged against them — leaving no room for error — not even for the pettiest of crimes. The judicial system has different standards for black men (and women) — slave standards. The system looks at us and wonders how to do away with us. 

It's time for black men to beat the system and make a legitimate way — no matter the disadvantages that are standing in their way of advancement.  

But I'll tell you what the solution isn't: The solution isn't blaming black women's independence for your woes.

Black women are known for their strength and ability to adapt; that's what we've had to do in order to ensure the survival of our families while our men were away whether they were sold off to another plantation, killed, or imprisoned.


Although black men's anger and aggression are taken out on us every day, I think on an unconscious level black men are more upset with themselves for failing time and time again (hypothetically their belief, not my own). 

Black men have been forced to turn a blind eye while their women were raped and beaten, and then having to show a great level of respect to that very man — his wife's rapist. (Yes, black men and women are still mentally impacted by the actions of slavery today.) They're powerless against a system that anticipates and works toward their demise, and this stifles their growth. 

Meanwhile, black women continue to rise above transgressions against as black men stand on the sidelines envying the strength that's given us the courage to heal while their male egos won't allow them to do so.


So they erupt into the worst kind of toxic masculinity — the kind that calls a woman a b*tch for not giving them play but turns around and calls her a "ho" for giving someone else attention.

They point fingers and blame their lack of respect for black women on the way we carry ourselves, instead of just learning to respect all women on a basic human level. 

They repost images with our faces, our curvy hips, and they tell us we're whores or less than on a regular basis.

They've carry on the practice of hyper-sexualizing us.

They deem us "less than" if we're not a certain skin tone.

They deem us unworthy if we can't find the line between being independent and dependent that best helps them overcome their shortcomings in an non-threatening way.


Black men have decided to pick apart our more attractive qualities, instead of just loving all of us in the same manner that we do for them. 

So it's no surprise that we've statistically been deemed the least desirable race of women to date despite being the fastest growing group of entrepreneurs.

And, if you talk to a black man and ask him why he dates white women he'll tell you that this is why.


Our independence and opinionated nature are said to be the culprit as to why our own men don't want us, and I suppose they took this as an opportunity to corrupt us for the other races of men who might think otherwise.

And still, a majority of black women hold an unwavering love for and desire to be with black men — deeply flawed and all — we remain your number one fans.

But, whose going to be our fan? Whose going to love us if not our own men?