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He might want you now, but only because you're useful to him.
By Ossiana Tepfenhart — Last updated on Apr 25, 2023
From what I’ve seen in my dating life, guys will stick around with a girl they don’t want to commit to if they’re convenient.
It’s sad, it’s horrible, but it’s true. And, if you think about it, it’s hard to blame them.
There probably have been guys out there you’ve dated just because they were around, too.
That being said, I’ve been there enough to stop trying to ever find love. But that doesn’t have to happen to you. If you look for warning signs, you can cut his sh*t short and start looking for a guy who might be worth your time.
Here are 15 signs he's only with you because you're convenient:
1. You pay his bills or shower him with gifts, even though you two aren’t really official
Yes, you need to stop that right now. If you see yourself constantly playing sugar mama to a guy, it’s probably not because he’s broke.
It’s probably because he knows he can get freebies from you.
2. When you broach the subject of long-term commitment, he shuts it down
Does he change the subject when you ask him to move in, spend the night, or pop the question? Has it been so long that people just assume he’s ready to marry you, but he just won’t friggin’ budge? That means that you aren’t the one he wants to marry.
He’s just keeping you there until he finds his “one,” or at least another sucker to mooch off of.
3. When he calls you, you always pick up and drop everything you do, because you honestly feel like if you don’t, he’ll just leave
This is the worst feeling ever! And, sadly, more often than not, people get this feeling when they are an option rather than a priority.
If he’s got you jumping through hoops like this, make no mistake about it.
He’s probably using you, and no, he doesn’t give a sh*t about you.
4. You often feel more like an accessory than a person with him
This is often a sign that you might just be the girl he keeps around because he says he wants a girlfriend.
If you regularly get paraded around like that, you might want to bail.
5. He really doesn’t seem to care when you broach topics that upset you about the way he’s treating you
The reason he doesn’t care is that he might not actually give a sh*t if you leave.
Or, conversely, it could be that he just doesn’t care about what you feel enough to change what he’s doing.
Ergo, it’s time to pack your bags and bolt in hopes that you find a guy that will treat you the way you should be treated.
6. You have tried to get him more dependent on you, if only because you feel that’s the only way he’d commit
I’ve been there, trust me. What sucks is that, even if they do commit, you’ll always wonder whether he actually wanted to commit or if he committed because he has no ability to stand up on their own. In some cases, they’ll leave regardless, but only after taking whatever you had to offer.
7. You feel like you have to convince him to stay with you
This is one of those few gut feelings that generally signal the end of a relationship, and also suggests that you may need to work on your self-esteem.
If this is the vibe you’re getting, it’s time to cut him loose.
There’s no way to come back to that and he's doing nothing but squishing your dignity.
8. He only calls you when he wants something
Does he only call when he’s horny or when he needs a place to stay for the night?
Sorry to break it to you, but you’re just around him because it’s convenient at this point.
9. He doesn’t introduce you to family or friends, and if he does, he won’t bring you as a date for major holidays
How a guy treats you around his family says volumes about his intentions. If he doesn’t do much in terms of trying to blend your two families together, he’s not looking long-term. Your best bet is to keep other options open.
10. You find yourself doing most of the emotional labor in the relationship
You’re the one planning dates. You’re the one calling. You’re the one coming up with romantic outings for anniversaries.
You’re the one doing every little thing to keep you together. Give yourself a break and find someone who will do that stuff for you.
11. He’s still chatting up other women
If a guy does this, he just doesn’t give a sh*t about you. He doesn't even give a sh*t about hurting you.
Stop going out with a cheater and start going out with someone who does care.
12. Everything feels like it’s done with an ulterior motive
The ulterior motive can vary from looking like a good, well-adjusted guy to easy sex, to financial issues.
But if you get the feeling you’re being used, chances are that you’re right.
13. You had a major problem that you wanted him to be there for, and he wasn't there despite being available
Let's say that you are in the hospital with a major illness. You just want him to bring you your favorite notebook.
If he can't drive there despite having the time and resources to do so, he's with you because it's convenient for him to be with you. Once you stop being convenient, he stops doing anything for you.
14. He withdraws affection if you don't do what he wants you to do
This is a sign that he may actually just be using you and that it's not even a matter of convenience.
Your best bet is to see how he reacts when you ask for something or what will happen if he doesn't get what he wants.
15. You act more like his caretaker than his girlfriend
This is just a bad sign all around, and most people don't realize what it means.
When a guy is really into a girl, he'll want to man up and show off his independence.
If you have to nag him to do things, clean his clothes, badger him to get a job, and do similar things, he's seeing you as a convenient mom replacement and that's unacceptable.
Toss him like last week's laundry, already!
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Ossiana Tepfenhart is a writer whose work has been featured in Yahoo, BRIDES, Your Daily Dish, New Theory Magazine, and others.