Love, Sex

Why Having Immediate Sexual Chemistry With Someone Is Actually A Bad Thing

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Why Having Immediate Sexual Chemistry With Someone Is Actually A Bad Thing

Have you ever been with a man you had that instant spark with? You felt that electricity flying back and forth between you. You were so in sync sexually that going to bed with him rocked your world. It was so obvious he was into it as much as you were.

What woman doesn’t want smoking hot sexual chemistry the way it’s portrayed on TV, in the movies, and in romance novels? If you’re a woman who uses that fiery spark to measure a man's relationship potential, it may not be as great as you think. 

Sexual attraction isn't everything, so here are 7 things you need to know.

RELATED: Stop Basing Your Relationships On Chemistry (Unless You Want To End Up Alone)

1. Yes, he will certainly be hot in bed.

When you meet a hot guy, he’ll most likely be a lot of fun in bed (and maybe some other places too, like in front of the fireplace, on the dining room table). It’s not always a sure thing, but usually, you can tell.

That kind of sexual attraction pulls you together dramatically like nothing else on earth. So you rush to pull off each others’ clothes and satisfy that urge.

2. The survival of the species depends upon humans having sex.

Hot chemistry relates to our most animalistic nature. After all, the original purpose was to ensure the survival of the human race.

Sexual chemistry exists so we continue to populate the earth. Nature programmed intense attraction factors into our DNA to help us recognize a good mate and create healthy babies.

3. The intensity of it all frequently leads us to mistake its real meaning.

Unfortunately, many single women of all ages mistakenly believe instant passion means more than it does. Sexual chemistry is often nothing more than that — an intense sexual attraction that isn't easy to either deny or ignore.

4. It can be tough to remember that desire is not the same thing as love.

I know this can be hard to deal with emotionally, as well as confusing to understand, especially when these feelings first emerge. However, his desire for you and your mutual attraction doesn't mean he loves you or that you love him. Neither does it mean he has long-term ideas for a future together.

A man can want you and be the most fantastic lover ever without generating any feelings of love at all for either or both of you. That’s why chemistry can lead you astray, mess with your head, and crush your heart.

RELATED: 23 Major Differences Between Chemistry And Compatibility

5. The trouble is, an instant attraction doesn’t always last.

Sadly, that initial chemistry often fizzles out quickly. I’ve had clients who insist they can’t date a man with whom they don’t have that immediate spark, even though these relationships just don’t last. 

Chemistry with a particular man does not necessarily indicate he would be a good mate beyond the bedroom.

6. Desire is not a sign of compatibility.

If you are seeking lasting love, sexual compatibility is definitely important — but it sure doesn’t automatically mean you’ve found long-term compatibility. For a healthy life partnership, you want a man you can talk to and trust. You want to have fun with him and to be able to count on him in a pinch.

Compatibility is based on the willingness to communicate and compromise, and these qualities are far more essential than the fleeting power of attraction (and your inability to keep your hands off each other).

7. Chasing chemistry makes it harder to find true love.

When you chase chemistry, you find men who most likely aren’t looking for love. They may be charming, sensual, exciting and sexy, but they usually just aren’t looking for anything deeper.

The bottom line is that smoking hot chemistry can be a whole lot of fun in the short run, but if you make it your top priority, you may cheat yourself out of lasting love. When you focus on more important characteristics beyond attraction you give yourself the best chance of finding the love you dream of.

When you connect with a man who tries to see you at least once a week, stays in touch by phone and text, is willing to compromise and work things through, and has a similar long-term agenda as you do, you know you are getting close. And if he makes you laugh and treats you like gold, you’ve found a keeper.

RELATED: How Important Is Physical Chemistry When It Comes To Relationships?

For over seventeen years, Ronnie Ann Ryan has been a love and dating coach for women. She’s helped thousands of successful single women with hot careers (but a chilly love life) find lasting love. Listen to her free audio program 5 Surefire Ways to Attract a Quality Man.