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Science says to hold on making it online official until this date if you're really into someone.
By Rebecca Jane Stokes — Last updated on Aug 01, 2023
The perils of dating and/or having a successful romantic relationship in the age of social media are real.
One of the biggest quandaries you face after going out on a couple of dates with someone?
When should I add the person I like on social media?
If you've dated in the age of Facebook, you know exactly what I'm talking about.
It's such a common conundrum that one dating site — WhatsYourPrice (an upsetting name for a dating site) — ran a study in 2016 to find out if when you friend your boyfriend or girlfriend on social media has any lasting impact on your relationship.
14,000 people were divided into one of three groups: those who friended their last partner before their first date, just after their first date, or a month after their date or later.
- 26% of people friend-requested their last partner before their first date! That takes balls. I'm more than willing to admit that I do some serious Googling when it comes to a promising first date, but I'm not ABOUT to open those Facebook floodgates until I know this is something that might stick.
- 42% of people added their date as a friend right after their first meet-up. That's kind of charming and sweet! Kind of naive and brave, but I get where they're coming from.
- 32% of people friended their last partner a month after their first date or later.
See, now that's what I call reasonable. Seasoned. Sane. You don't know if you're going to get married, but you have a consistent curiosity about what they had for lunch and enjoy seeing embarrassing childhood photos of them.
So how long did the relationships each last?
Well, the folks who friended before the meeting lasted anywhere from 1 - 6 months. The post-first date frienders only lasted less than a month.
People who wait to friend their dates for about a month have the highest rate of relationship success, with their relationships lasting a year or longer.
To me, it makes perfect sense. You don't add someone as a "friend" until they actually ARE a friend! If you do so earlier, thinking things will work out, you're just riding the high of that initial attraction. Friending someone too soon can actually put a lot of pressure on new relationships.
I know what I speak.
In my last relationship, I friended the dude after our first date and was ready to be relationship-official after three. He accepted my friendship (request) but I was moving way too fast for him.
To prevent friending your date too son, ask yourself why you're doing it.
Is it because you're eager to prove that you can make a relationship work, or that you're eager to show off the new hottie you've bagged to your friends? Or do you want to add them because you care about them and want to be clued into their life because it's a relationship that matters to you?
Unless it's the last one, don't do it.
Friend someone when they are a true friend or don't friend them at all.
My boyfriend and I have been dating for five months. I don't know when we added each other on social media, but I am fairly certain that even though ours has been a short courtship, I was a little gun-shy when it came to adding him as a friend. Knowing what I know now, I wouldn't have it any other way.
I guess I learned my lesson.
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Rebecca Jane Stokes is an editor, freelance writer, former Senior Staff Writer for YourTango, and the former Senior Editor of Pop Culture at Newsweek. Her bylines have appeared in Fatherly, Gizmodo, Yahoo Life, Jezebel, Apartment Therapy, Bustle, Cosmopolitan, SheKnows, and many others.