A Smart Woman Chooses People Who Choose Her

And lets go of the ones who don’t.

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For a long time I didn't understand of the whole idea of “choosing someone". It all sounded a little to vague for me to ever put into practice, until I figured out what it felt like to not be chosen in a relationship. 

Being with someone who doesn’t choose you everyday is like being at party where you don’t know a single person.

You’re sitting alone at the snack table watching memories being made and bonds being forged, while you scarf down cheese puffs.


It feels like being a constant outsider, but without being able to complain about it. 

While most of my relationships ended because I didn’t feel “chosen” in some way or another, the last one I was in really made me understand what that meant.

The guy I was with would take me out to dinner with his friends, and completely ignore me.

Like, he wouldn’t even introduce me to anyone. 

When we were alone, things were good for the most part, but the moment we got out into the real world, it was like I was invisible. Not all the time, but definitely when his friends were around. 

After I finally let all that go, I realized what choosing someone actually meant.


It’s all about effort. It’s putting in the time, energy and focus every day to make the person you’re with feel special. And while he did that on occasion, the majority of the time I felt kind of alone. 

The real power comes when you realize you don’t need someone to choose you.

You can choose yourself.

You can control who you spend time and energy on, and you can choose to let go of the people who don’t deserve it. 

When you gain your confidence back, you evaluate who get’s most of your focus. You start to notice patterns of people who never offer to drive or only want to talk to you about their issues and never even ask you about your day. 


All relationships, whether they’re with your boyfriend, best friend or grandma, should been mutual. They’re should be a balance of care and love. Not all the effort should be done by just one person. 

So look at your life and determine if there are people who are taking advantage of you.


You don’t have to tell them off or make a big deal about it. Just cut the tie and stop putting your effort into that relationship. 

Instead, put that effort into loving yourself, and watch the magic happen. 

Emily Blackwood is a writer and editor focused on relationships and pop culture.