Self, Health And Wellness

I'm Writing This During A Panic Attack So You Know You're Not Alone

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I Wrote This DURING A Panic Attack To Say You're Not Alone

I cannot breathe. Again. I am suffocating. I am drowning. There is no life preserver. Only drowning. Medication only makes the pain numb.

As a person who has experienced the unique pain of childbirth, I can tell you — a panic attack is a darkness I would never wish upon anyone.

I feel weak. Why can’t I overcome this? Why can’t I talk myself down from this cliff and figure out how to stop a panic attack? I have tried everything. Admitting my anxiety out loud makes me feel less than.

RELATED:  What You Should (And Should Not) Say When Someone Has A Panic Attack

The ironic thing is that some of the most beautiful, amazing people I know also suffer from this. Maybe I am one of them. Maybe YOU are one of them.

We try to stay silent for fear of being judged. Fear of being condemned. Fear of being seen as less than. However, the courage it takes to speak our truth is monumental.

We are not the weak ones. We are the strong ones.

I recently proposed something on my Facebook page called “Total Truth Tuesdays." A day where instead of pretending to be okay and instead of putting forth our best face, we tell the absolute truth. I can only imagine how healing this type of bravery could be.

I truly believe our deepest fears come from the feeling of being alone. Connecting with one another saves lives. Knowing our sadness and the ways in which we are broken, can save one another.

I am writing these words in the middle of a massive panic attack. Rather than succumbing to the attack, I am choosing to fight. I am choosing to be honest. I am choosing to show my true self.

RELATED: 9 Ways To Get Through A Paralyzing Anxiety Attack

It is easier for me to be honest on a piece of paper than it is for me to be honest anywhere else. I am not sure why but this has always been true for me. 

My friends probably think that I don’t care about them because I never reach out. The opposite is true, though. I care so deeply for them that I don’t reach out. Why would I want to burden their beautiful hearts with my pain?

Maybe publicly writing this is my way of calling myself out. More importantly, maybe publicly writing this is my way of calling others out as well. Extending a hand to let those of you in similar situations know that you are not alone.

The feeling of being alone is excruciating. It is dark and it is immobilizing.

What if we take that feeling of being alone away from one another? What if we make it okay to join hands and be afraid and be vulnerable? Maybe that will save us.

We have to find the strength to breathe. Together. 

RELATED: How To Stop A Panic Attack In Its Tracks

Melody Alderman is a writer, photographer, and single mom. Her work focuses on personal health, relationships, heartbreak, and single parenting, and has been published globally.